536. Mr. Billy Swallows Action Zones and Snack Sacks

Mr. Billy Swallows and his assistant Dante' DeWitt have just received a shipment of comfortable "action" slacks in versatile 100% Dacron, which Billy says are "100% divine", at remarkable prices!  Their atelier, Suit Up, located off the lobby at Loveless Motel, is well stocked and ready for you to come in for a personal fitting. Tape measure in hand, Dante' is always eager to know whether you dress to the right or left, and personally supervises alterations while you wait, time permitting.  Stop by and get altered today!

Billy and Dante' during a lull in business

Dante' DeWitt, standing: "What possibly motivated you to buy two dozen pairs of synthetic stretchy slacks?"

Mr. Billy Swallows, seated: "The salesman was all over me and demonstrated his 'action zone', and made me write a check on the spot.  Don't worry - it'll bounce, and they'll sell out before we have to worry about it, with this cheap bunch that's been in here lately.  Buying absolute bottom of the range, so give 'em what they want!"

Dante': "Billy Swallows, you are SO bad...what are you reading?"

Billy: "Sports Illustrated, and I'm not reading, just looking at the pictures - love the  jockstrap ads; but Sports? - eeeewwww."

Dante':  "Oh, I know - I got kicked out of gym class for taking too many showers."

Billy: "What are you doing, Dante'?"

Dante': "Looking at this fucking chipped nail...it keeps getting snagged in my sweater - time to go see Dick Gee at Hair and Now, located off the Lobby.  They have a dishy new manicurist. Dick said he does  a good toe job."

Billy: "Dick got that report from me. Where did you get that wedding ring?"

Dante': "I was in town and had to go to the tinkleorium so I went up to the 3rd floor of Macy's, and well you know got hung up giving a blowjob under the stall, and while I was on my back looking up at Mr. Right Now, working his snack sack one ball at a time, he came, while he was jacking his cock, and he spooged on his hand and the ring slipped off his finger, and by the time I realized it had happened he had cum and gone, and there it was on the floor.  I didn't get his name.  Finders keepers, Billy"

Billy: "Nice souvenir - better take it off before someone freaks out."

Dante': "Jealous!  I've already been propositioned three times today because of it. I just lower my voice and speak in one-syllable-word sentences while I readjust with my ring hand."

500. Like a Pendulum Do...with Marmite!

Shown in this photo at home last year in London, sporting his Mr. Popular Trophy and dressing to the left in his Suit Up! pinstripe number, personally fitted by our very own Mr. Billy Swallows of Suit Up! (located off the lobby at Loveless Motel) are "Dickey Loosedore" and his best mate "Bailey Alanski", the names under which they have checked into rooms 222 and adjoining 221, respectively.  Each likes his space - one needs to be prepared for any opportunity to personally welcome any Anglophiles with a craving for fur and the spectacularly uncut.

Given notice, the kitchen staff always stocks up on Marmite for the week for the couple, and places a picture of the Queen on the wall of the little alcove in Birdwhistle's Tearoom favored by our guests and held for them for the duration of the stay.

Suit Up! has remained our guests' little secret source since Mr. Billy's pre-Loveless Hollywood days, when he was in charge of costuming at a major studio and worked with Mr. Alanski on a number of his roles. Since Billy's relocation to our little "wood", London's Carnaby Street has nothing on Loveless Motel, which swings to the left this week, "like a pendulum do." In Tinsel Town, Billy was famed for his little parties, where select gentlemen were invited to stay overnight; Bailey always reckoned that Billy was a favorite American host, and maintained that he was a master at getting men to shed their inhibitions with the suggestion of a little Greek wrestling;  Bailey had been introduced to such exhibitions on more than one occasion. In fact as it turns out, his ability to toss and be tossed around was one factor that bound he and Dickey together for as long as the two tossers could remember.

Welcome back, Dickey and Bailey!

"England swings like a pendulum do..."

497. Laundry Room Closure Fallout

The closure of the Laundry Room is having some unintended ripple effects.   Because most men wouldn't be caught dead wearing the same outfit twice on vacation, (not to mention the fact that even if they did, the ripeness of some pants would not be welcome in the dining rooms across property) and because some guests are unwilling/unable to pay the exorbitant cost of having their laundry done for them by Loveless housekeeping, or sending it into town to be dry cleaned, there has been a run on second hand clothing offered at Hard Tack General Store.  Guys are snapping up anything that they can find, whether it fits or not, and regardless of condition.

This, of course, has created a situation which Mr. Billy Swallows at Suit Up has called dreadful, since our inhouse fashion guru says that you should never by anything too small, or you'll end up "looking like a fat whore in an Italian knit" (which he says he once called Elizabeth Taylor in Hollywood to her face during her Eddie Fisher/Richard Burton transition phase, and "What you did to Debbie Reynolds was really shitty, Liz"; he then turned around and walked away from her, slamming the door on her stall, while whistling "Tammy")

Will U. Bonus, Hard Tack manager, has found all of this highly amusing, not to mention lucrative. Not only that, but the tight shorts craze has even necessitated more men being released early from the Hoosegow, directly into the work-release program (which Manager Will oversees), just to handle the mobs of men in the shop pouring themselves into anything three sizes to small .  Come see the collection of "Fallout" gear at Hard Tack General Store: it's cheaper than having your laundry done at Loveless Motel.

478. How you gonna keep em down on the farm?

These gents are what you call organic queers. That is to say, that rural men do what comes naturally. Hours spent alone tilling, plowing, mucking, plucking, shucking, sowing, fertilizing, irrigating and whatever else there is to do to keep a place going, invariably are broken by incidents of body self exploration and awareness. Jacking off in the middle of your newly plowed field while seated on the tractor, while no one is around to witness or tell is a time-honored tradition, and a rite of passage for many, especially when they encounter fellow community men in the act. Curiosity eventually fosters action. Out behind the barn, the farmhands are taking a break for a short masturbation session, learning that its a lot more fun to do with a buddy what up until now was reserved for a farm animal with a nice face. And things are always made more interesting when there's a new hand who's brought into the fold. What goes on out behind the barn is a thing.

The man in the middle is a little more experienced and gets the Loveless Motel Circular that comes every month with news, gossip, pictures, and ads for special deals. He's convinced the other two to book a 3 day weekend and take the 4 hour drive over where he promises he'll act as a tour guide to fellow sodbusters Goober and Bill-Don who are wide-eyed at the prospect of seeing a place where what they do isolated on a tractor or out behind the barn is not the exception, but the norm. They've been told a little but not too much; their mentor has them booked into the Bunkhouse.  Pouring over the circular ads, they can't wait to see some of the fancy duds shown in the spreads for Suit Up and Packaged Goods! Land o' Goshen!, are there people who actually buy store-bought skivvies instead of making them out of feed sacks?

378. Suit Up Sale just in time for Sweater Weather

Mr. Billy Swallows and his assistant Dante' DeWitt have told us they have a new shipment of sweaters for the cool weather.  Suit Up, the mens' atelier at Loveless Motel, is located off the lobby.   This graphic example should prove to be one of the season's most popular.

330. New Loveless Venue- Mr. Dick Gee's Hair and Now

Loveless Motel is excited to announce a new addition to our services -  Hair and Now, our men's salon, is now open off the lobby, under the expert hands of Hollywood stylist, Mr. Dick Gee, recommended to our operation by his admirer and former associate, Mr. Billy Swallows of Suit Up. His talents, as witnessed above, show one of his client's recent trans-formations which took place right after Mr. Dick spotted him arriving for his first stay during check in, and made him an offer he couldn't refuse, on the spot.

Here's Mr. Dick Gee who models one of the au courant fabulous finds he's already discovered at Suit Up, and has found a fast friend in our own Mr. Billy Swallows, owner of that same establishment.

294. Mustard Sweaters are "In" this fall at Loveless Motel

 Mustard and brown will be the "in" colors this fall, says our in-house fashion expert Mr. Billy Swallows, seen here on his lunch break, a few steps away from his duties at Suit Up, our very own atelier at Loveless Motel.

197. You get what you pay for...or what you deserve

We realize that not all our guests at Loveless Motel may need the fashion advise of our eager and expert staff at Suit Up, located off the lobby, and remind those budget-minded souls that there is a large gap between the right outfit and the wrong outfit. Walk Socks?

 

195. What a Coincidence!

 Can you imagine that on a busy summer weekend at Loveless Motel,  over at the Bunkhouse there would be 6 guys, strangers to each other; but while talking and dropping the soap in the shower, they discovered they all shared the name Marty?  To celebrate they all headed over to Suit Up, located off the lobby, where Mr. Billy

 Swallows and Mr. Dante' DeWitt were able to highlight their best assets (and frontsets)

193. The well-clothed man, and the nearly naked man

Our activities coordinator Jack Leyendecker has recently returned from a scouting trip and has hired a helper for the summer season here at Loveless Motel.  Business meets casual. Jack gets all his outfits directly from Mssrs. Swallows and Dewitt at Suit Up, located off the lobby.

191. Sizing You Up

Head over to Suit Up at Loveless Motel, for the latest in casual wear and mens suits.  Seen here is our tailor, Mr. Billy Swallows, right, along with his assistant Mr. Dante' Dewitt, sizing up their client, seated, whose measurements will be taken for the perfect fit. You guessed it; they're located off the lobby.

127. Suit Up - Loveless Venue

If versatile is your gig, Loveless Motel is the perfect spot for you.  Come see a full line of business menswear at Suit Up, located off the Lobby.  Jorge , our tailor can't wait to measure you.

67. Grab-Basket Conference Room - Loveless Venue

Lecture Luncheons at Loveless Motel are well attended.  Todays topic - "How long should your tie be, anyway?", presented by Mr. Hardly N. Uphatahl, our 4-in-hand expert from inhouse atelier Suit Up, located off the lobby.  Meet us at the Grab-Basket Conference Room, where a sack lunch will be provided. After the lecture, all are invited to a special knot demonstration at the shop as Hardly "ties" you up.