550. DO NOT DELETE - Human Bones at Camp Nutbush- Who is Nic? Who is buried in the Campground? Who is the coleslaw lady?

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549. Callum Z. Blabber finally (and reluctantly) comes up for air

After what has seemed like a second or two, Loveless Motel's communications and publicity maven, Callum Z. Blabber, has come out of a coma. Early in the summer, he had taken a dive head-first off the platform at Lake Loveless, like he had done dozens of times before, and hit his head on an object that was unexpectedly there. Subsequently, a recovery team went down and found the recently missing and obviously scuttled SS Flow, the houseboat built by the clever lesbians at Yodeling Canyon Campground.

Witnesses were able to immediately contact the dispensary on the property, which quickly called an ambulance from town. Callum spent the entire summer comatose, awakened only when a German specialist was called in to try a novel technique involving a bubble wand and pneumatic pressure to the most unexpected place. Successful and likened to raising Atlantis from the sea, Callum perked right up,  finally entering a recuperative stage that has lasted through the fall up until this point. Welcome back, Callum!

Callum has certainly seen better days - an expert water sportsman, his svelte form was often seen emerging from the lake, glistening in the sun, water droplets sparkling like jewels dangling from his hirsute chest. Admirers frequently were seen chatting him up on the beach, asking if they could hold is harpoon, hoping for a photo op. Callum was famous for carrying a spear fishing gun, and equally well known for never catching a thing -  he was blind as a bat underwater but reaped great benefits and caught more interesting prey out of it.

General Manager Nic says it will be great to see Callum gracing the beach and pool when the weather finally warms up, but in the meantime he is welcome to use the facilities on the house at The Tubs, located in the basement of The Bunkhouse. A little steamy adventure will do him good.

547. Javelin tossing - hitting an unexpected bone...

The Story of Nic - Part One

Randomly tossing javelins around at Nutbush Campground has recently become a thing - groups of men are showing up, and once they are settled into their campsites, are tippytoeing off to what ever meadow or field they can find to start pitching sticks at all kinds of things, in the absence of actual dick-swinging competitions.  They've landed in some pretty unlikely places, the most unlikely being a freshly excavated poop pit that has yet to have an outhouse erected on top of it. On approaching the pit, it was discovered that a javelin had actually pierced what appears to be a bone fragment.  Nearly empty of the water that had accumulated in the pit from last week's rain, the shifting dirt in the still muddy hole has revealed other pieces of bone jutting up from the settling soil.  While some of the men stuck their poles deeper into the hole to satisfy their curiosity, more level heads prevailed and they agreed to report their find. 

Bang Bengtsson, Loveless Motel's chief maintenance man,  out and about doing some infrastructure checks just happened by as the men were  discussing what needed to be done. He was able to hold their attention as he vividly described the process of notifying management, and the importance of following procedure right down to the last possible inch, while making sure no important details were left untouched, ensuring that the most important aspects of the situation were sufficiently uncovered while making it hard to dismiss anything obvious, keeping  the whole thing easy to swallow when the time came, holding back to the last possible moment. The group took the hint, followed his advice, and made sure everything was taken care of, exhausting every angle before contacting management.

Nic, the senior manager, impressed by the meticulous details the men had provided in the description of their activities thanks to Bang, has asked Harry Biggerstaff, the hotel dick, to look into the matter.  In their phone conversations about how to go about discerning what's going on, Nic, interrupting Harry's morning routine in a call before office hours, suggested the Dick ask some questions of the man who first reported the incident. "How big is the hole?  Would it be a tight fit to get into?  Does it need to be cleaned out before re-entering it?  Would one man working at the hole be able to bring about a desired result, or should a gang of men be sent to work on the hole?"  "I think I have the picture," Harry says to Nic, while trying not to roll his eyes at Nic's condescending advice. "I'll get right on the hole" Harry tells Nic, as he slides into his Tuesday morning intern guest.

To be continued....

535. Cruising Bathtub Rock

"Do we own that?"  Snap Wadmacher has been out traversing Nutbush Campground, drumming up business for Shutter Bug Camera Shop, located off the lobby at Loveless Motel, snapping pictures of campers, and got as far out as Bathtub Rock - his new name for the unusual rock outcroppings before entering a glacial plain, deciding to leave further exploration for another day.  Now back in the shop's dark room developing the day's work, Nic's question was answered by Snap's. "If you don't know, who does?"  Another question for the board, undoubtedly.  Whatever the answer, the land holdings of Lovewhistle, Inc. are vast and the answer is that the corporation owns land all the way to the large outcropping just beyond the green mound.   Campers are wasting no time discovering various activities closer to the amenities and wooded areas of the campground, however. They'll be able to collect their photos in 24 hours for a reasonable fee.

Snap, snapping. Who's snapping Snap?

Tree climbing

Using a divining rod to look for ground water

Posing at the picnic pavilion for Snap, who has a big weakness for thick uncut cocks and nearly-shaved men and very low hangers

Birdwatching

Ass riding

Hiking

Slowly counting to ten, and then struggling to remember the names of the rest of the numbers

Forage Stew for breakfast

534. The Butler takes a holiday

Nic, the Senior manager at Loveless Motel, in one of last month's Monday morning staff meetings, started out by asking his assembled department heads a question. "I saw this headline in the paper last week- 'What is the connection of McDonald's hamburger chain CEO Ray Kroc, to the 1958 film Auntie Mame?' " "Ugh, McDonald's" interrupted Biff Wellington, head chef of Birdwhistle's Tearoom, "One of the waiters told me he worked for them when he was in highschool.  Whenever they dropped a burger on the floor, they'd just rinse if off and put a bun on it, and sell it to the next customer." "But you digress, Biff.  Pipe down. We have a group coming in - any takers on the question? No?  Let me read you this article" and he proceeded to read from the townie gazette. "Wait, wait!  Did you see Forrest Tucker's basket in the movie?" pipes back pushy Biff, "I hear he even has a name for it - "The General" "

 Nic glared over the top of the paper at Biff and began to read: 

"Patrick Dennis was the nom de plume of the author of Auntie Mame: An Irreverent Escapade (1955), which in 1958 was made into the film Auntie Mame, starring Rosalind Russell.

 Edward Everett Tanner III  is the real name of the author who, after a successful career as a novelist, left writing and became a butler. One of his employers was McDonald's CEO Ray Kroc, who never knew that his butler "Tanner" was the acclaimed author.  After having mastered buttling, he left Kroc's employ and has opened the Mame Dennis Academy of Butlery, and has graduated a total of 56 men over 5 years in that endeavor."

"The courses feature heavy instruction on manservantry, which includes becoming an expert on modern technological developments, and how to use such devices as they come to market. Here, an instructor points out the vertical hold knob on a modern television set.

Conducting field training, an instructor demonstrates to a student the use of gas masks, in the event of a national emergency; students are trained to serve the master of the house first, then the estate heir, and then the women and children.  Staff, of course, should always carry a handkerchief in the event of such an emergency, but it should never be visible, which would be a severe breech of decorum.

The course also features a lecture on stress management, asserting that even on the best of days, men in service can have moments of frustration with a particularly demanding employer, and feel overwhelmed.  This may lead to adopting an unhealthy attitude toward the profession and ultimately manifesting itself as stubbornness and a perceived lack of cooperation. 

At its worst, this can even lead to the adoption by staff of unprofessional mannerisms both in personal affectations and in attire, putting on airs in a misguided attempt to mimic the habits and style of one's employer.

Therefore, the school teaches that it's always best to take advantage of personal time, to get away with friends who may also be in service, in order to find harmony and a refreshed attitude for the return to work.

Upon successful completion of the course of study, students graduate with a certificate awarded, signifying they are now qualified tradesmen in the field of Professional Butlery

"Son of a gun", Biff says, "but what has that got to do with us.?" 

"We've received a booking for several men" Nic said "who gave as their occupations butlers, who say they are coming to us to celebrate their graduation from MDAB.  Just a heads up.  Not a whole lot special needs to be done, but I've always looked at that profession as a bit related to the hospitality industry, so wherever you can, make considerations.  It could be good business."

And so it was, and they have come and gone, having booked into Rooms 222 and 221, but not without leaving a record behind of their celebratory visit.  Like many, they asked Snap Wadmacher to take a few candid shots.

Butler for hire - this way for service.

One last visit to The Tubs at the Bunkhouse, before heading home and finding permanent employment! Upon seeing the photos, now on sale at After Midnight Arcade, located off the lobby, Biff quipped, "More like professional buggery..."

On location with Snap Wadmacher, head photographer at 

Shutter Bug Camera Shop, located off the lobby