539. Monochrome and Sundays Always Get Me Down

Shutter Bug Camera Shop, located off the lobby at Loveless Motel, is running a special - book a photo studio today for a session and we'll throw in the color film.  It seems Snap Wadmacher over ordered on his Kodak shipment so we have loads of the stuff.  Our photo studios offer privacy, and you'll get a professional look with Snap behind the camera.  Let's get you in here and oil you up, buddy!  Bring along your favorite prop, jockstrap, or friend, or let us supply you with one of ours. Get your Kodachrome ass (we don't want no monochrome) in here and stay away from the black and white blues this month, while supplies last!

527. Monday Morning Breakfast Roundup

Monday morning is the first day of some of our guests' stay at Loveless Motel, and restaurants from Birdwhistle's Tearoom to the Loveless Truckstop Cafe' are always busy breakfast crossroads of those checking in and checking out.  Some like it over easy and some over hard; for others, somewhere in the middle is just fine.  

 

Over at the campground, some of the backpackers in lean-tos like this happy camper travel light and trap their breakfasts, or rely on local small game.  In the rush of some of our outdoor enthusiasts to get home, the campground cleared out pretty quickly, especially some of those Volkswagen campers, leaving a slaughterhouse of roadkill in their dust (fair game for breakfast), including 3 squirrels, a possum, a duck and a cat.  We're not asking this guy what the catch was.

This domestic pair from the Bahamas, booked into a deluxe kitchen suite at Loveless Motel will undoubtedly whip up something delicious, but one thing is certain - sausage and black pudding is on the menu. We hear that's a British Colonial thing. "Full English", please! We could easily survive for the week on this diet, without a thing in the fridge. These guys are here to inquire about the Certified Hustler program, and are looking for a few new friends to provide references. They're also looking for a friendly "port of entry" border agent who might provide a work visa in consideration for services rendered. Speaking of men in the middle, is "Spit-roasted Immigration Official" a breakfast item?

508. Nutbush Campground Soft Opening

 

The soft opening of Nutbush Campground is being conducted by the current class of interns of Loveless Motel Internship Program.  Their graduation contingent on successfully completing a group challenge, they're tasked with venturing out onto the nearly complete Nutbush Campground and finding a tent site. They must scout out sites anywhere on the property, vast by any measure, and lay claim to the perfect spot. Several site styles have been constructed, including full hookup, partial hookup, and "rustic" sites which have absolutely no amenities, relying on a camper's skills to survive in the wild (or more likely what they will chose because it's all they can afford). Interns are scouting the "rustic" variety, hiking to a spot and pitching a tent, where-ever.  These gents decided on the rock pictured above, agreeing, to a man, that it would provide a nice solid floor and drainage in the event of rain.  Never fucking mind that you can't drive a stake into a rock.  

Upon reviewing the collective choice decided upon by the new men, Intern classroom training facilitator Uncle Joe expressed his concern to Jack Leyendecker, the Loveless talent scout. " What the fuck were you thinking, Jack? These guys are idiots! They want to pitch a tent on solid rock!" "Yeah, but their talent, man...they're all very talented!" Nic, the senior manager agrees. He can personally attest to each man's "talent", and has the pictures to prove it. He's instructed Uncle Joe, over whimpering objections and a pouty face, to assist the men in finding ground on a very slight slope offering drainage and on something you can easily pound. Both Intern graduation and the official Nutbush Campground Grand Opening are on schedule, as planned. Good luck, gentlemen!

Looking for a softer spot

Eureka!

A man with something to pound

504. Loveless Motel v. Uranus Walls, Inc.

Loveless Motel has retained the legal firm, Pounds, Butts, and Bates, LLC, to take action against Uranus Walls, Inc, ("Your solution for an interior that's out of this world"), for the unflattering job they did recently in the reception area of Nic the Senior Manager's new office expansion. Exhibit A, the documentary photograph taken by Shutter Bug Camera Shop photographer Snap Wadmacher of Nic's buddy Irving, who is supervising the landscaping job being completed for the registration area of Nutbush Campground, illustrates Nic's complaint. 

"It's obvious that whoever put this crap up was drunk. I didn't pay for remnants. Nothing matches, and it looks like it was installed with a welding torch. This all needs to be removed. We need to get someone in here who can demonstrate the meaning of well hung." Barristers Pounds and Butts have suggested a loose compensation arrangement, while Bates offers a completely different solution taking a firm hand and a good grip on the situation, milking it for all it's worth and as a result, Nic has said it he feels like he's getting jerked around and screwed, and says he won't stand for it. Irving just rolled his big brown eyes.

411. Talking Dirty is my Second Most Favorite Anonymous Thing to Do

At Loveless Motel, the guy you eyed across the dancefloor last night is describing in detail how his morning is going. The party-line is hopping this morning, and there are even a few familiar voices. Nic, a senior manager, is also in on the fun. If your verbal skills are a bit rusty, or you're a bit of a novice, you can take Nic's class, held on any rainy Tuesday in the Grab-Basket Conference Room, entitled "Talking Dirty is My Second Most Favorite Anonymous Thing To Do"

400. Maintenance crew repairing grotto leak at The Tubs

The waterfall at the Tubs in the basement of The Bunkhouse has been temporarily shut off for a couple days to repair a leak in the grotto pool.  Contractors have quickly assessed the damage and workers are taking as few breaks as possible to insure the feature is restored to full working capacity in time for the influx of guests expected in the last 2 weeks of the year.  Only the most necessary activities of the crew are being sanctioned by the management.  When Nic, Loveless Motel Senior manager called the contractor's office and told the secretary "We've gotta leak in our basement",  she replied, "Go ahead, sir - it's your basement!"  She's been replaced by a promising young intern sent over my Nic.

389. Lobby Christmas Tree becomes Popular Photo Op

After the debacle of the drunken Christmas Card scandal, it seems the word has gotten out at Loveless Motel, and guests are requesting pictures of themselves posing in front of the tree in the lobby. Photo sessions are allowed only  between the hours of 3 AM and 5 AM when the exterior lobby doors are locked.  "Snap" Wadmacher, ace inhouse photographer at Shutterbug Camera Shop says his index finger is sore from all the extra action it's been seeing lately.  Here's and example of the result: Calvin is currently staying in room 222 and has offered to provide "Snap" with something else to do with his finger.

370. Menacing man with axe seen stalking the woods

It's that time of year again, when a couple of our butchest staff members get handed sharp tools to go out and terrorize the woodland creatures - (read "our cruising guests".) We're getting calls regarding occasional sightings of wild-eyed strangers around the Stables and Silver Bullet bar area bearing axes, which has set quite a few of our first time guests on edge. Our notice should have gone out earlier - our randy colleagues have been out looking for 2 Christmas trees - one for the lobby and one to erect poolside. At least, that's what the front desk has been telling callers. You're welcome to offer to help lighten their load.

365. Washable Naugahyde furnishings at Aluminum City

 Popular Aluminum City trailer homes at Loveless Motel include contemporary Naugahyde furnishings which are easily wiped off, reducing the chance of additional cleaning charges that may be levied after your stay.  So feel free to let yourself go in these units, though we advise against getting anything on the highly absorbent wood paneling in many of our tin can units.

273. Couldn't sit down for a week

 Psycho Randy the desk clerk has finally reported in, and said that during one of the rope demonstrations he was handed a cocktail, and the next thing he knew, he awakened in his staff bedroom with his ankles and wrists with red marks around them, when a tall black guy walked in from the living room totally naked and asked if ne needed any additional plumbing services, and laughed.  Randy thought about it for a couple seconds, and decided he could wear a long sleeve shirt to work, and didn't mind standing through his shift.

249. Abandoned buildings down by the lake

 Some men have found out a secret about the lake -   just around the bend from the beach there's an old abandoned commercial area - locals know it well.  Loveless Motel is just full of surprises.