505. There's a man in my kitchen cabinet!

One of our booking agents in the phone room at Loveless Motel reports an anxious guest has lodged a complaint, and the conversation went like this:

Agent: Good morning - let's plan your next vacation! What are you wearing?

Caller: What do you mean, what am I wearing?  Who cares what I'm wearing. There's a naked man in my kitchen cabinet, and I am afraid for my life, and for the safety of my canned fruit!

Agent: Well, how did that happen? Have you called your local police? That sounds quite concerning. Perhaps he prefers only fresh fruit. Are then any reports of burglars in your area?   Are there any signs he has tampered with your cans or manhandled your Little Debbies? Is he by any chance a missing man?

Caller: What the fuck? Missing? No, he's fucking RIGHT HERE!  Get security over here right away - I'm in a trailer home on Lovers Lane in Aluminum City...you guys need to take care of this.

Agent:  Sir, you've called the booking line and I can't tell where you are, except to say that it appears you are calling from an outside line when you call this number. You should have called the front desk. But don't worry. I'll get them on the line right now - can you provide a description of the intruder?

Caller:  Thank you - he's about 6 foot, slender, well defined, nice smile, blonde, nice bush, 6 cut, asking me if i need anything, deep voice, starting to get har-har-har-har huh-haaaaaaaard-shit, oh my...oh...fuck. Damn.  Hold it - hold it hold it... no YES NO yes please YES shit fuck. I'll call ba-ba-ba-back. <CLICK>

482. Beware! J. Caesar and I. Da'Marche' - Accountants

Beware! It's that time of year again - dreaded income tax day is just a couple days away for small businesses, and Nic, the senior Manager of Loveless Motel has been directed by the tax accounting firm of Caesar and Da'Marche', Jule and Ignatz, (their best friends endearingly call them "Julia" and "Ida") to finalize and send forms to the IRS for the business's past year. March 15 in the private dining room at Birdwhistle's Tearoom is this year's luncheon to celebrate the work the three men have put into the job.  More than anything, as in years past,  attention will be paid to cocktails and food a good deal greater than money talk. 

On a personal level, Ignatz is an accomplished accordionist.  The two men met some years back at Ticklers, the piano bar at Loveless Motel, when  Ignatz was substituting for Paul, the blind piano player.  Jule, who loves opera, asked Ignatz if he knew the snappy male bonding tune, "Ah, Mes Amis" from The Daughter of the Regiment. That night, history was made in the bar, as Jule nearly pulled off the high C's required of the tune, drunk as he was, though Ignatz was asked never to come back, as the noise drove away half the clientele.  But the two men hit it off as Jule was able to demonstrate his ability to play the skin flute, apparently hitting the correct notes, as they have been pulling it off ever since.  They are shown here at their home in town, where they repeat the Donizetti performance annually for the locals, while warning them to stay off the lawn.

358. Can't spell "Ferragamo" - no Mauve Tavern for you!

Our handsome, mature guest Carter recently heard a knock at his door, and when he opened it, no one was there, but this note was taped to it: 

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Carter, but in reviewing your recent answers during your interview, the group feels that you are not quite the right fit for our gatherings at the Mauve Tavern. We hope you'll enjoy some of the other options here at Loveless Motel, such as Ticklers Lounge, and there is a contingent of our members who are hoping to bump into you at the Silver Bullet Bar."

307. Newspaper man interviews Hoosegow inmates in old crud

 A nationally known newspaper man, checking into Loveless Motel as Sushi Yunioshi, is spending his vacation "interviewing" recent inhabitants of the Hoosegow for an upcoming literary project he's working on. We asked Mr. Yunioshi ("Just call me Sush" he said to the clerk, putting his index finger to his pursed lips) if he preferred to have inmates sent to his room one at a time, or in small groups, and he opted for groups, stating he wanted to make sure there were witnesses, but "don't bother cleaning them up" He was particularly interested to know if we had any who might have recently been in Kansas.

262. "We met at the Mauve Tavern"

The Mauve Tavern has long been a favorite among our more discerning gentlemen who want to escape the noise and clamor of Smarty Pants Disco.  Just enter the disco off the lobby and through the purple swinging doors in the back.  Mature men are welcome, and a diverse, quieter crowd ensures a pleasant evening for all.  Attire? ...Depends...

 

172. Come Sit on Uncle Sam's Lap!

Uncle Sam will be making a visit today in the lobby of Loveless Motel.  Stop by and have your picture sitting on his lap.  Sam's a switch hitter, we heard, so maybe he'll sit on yours. 

169. Hey Cowboy

Hey Cowboy! Maybe we'll see you tonight at the Malamute Saloon in the Bunkhouse at Loveless Motel

151. Isometric exercise...

Physical Culture is an attraction to young men everywhere, and nowhere can a finer experience be found than Loveless Motel. Find a workout buddy who can show you the ropes.

136. Ticklers Lounge: a piano bar - Loveless Venue

Did you know there's a piano bar at Loveless Motel? Ticklers Lounge has a congenial corner with a blind guy named Paul playing old show tunes, and plenty of stools around the baby grand. The house rule: nobody comes in here without a tie on (except for the piano player, who's a bit of a sloppy dresser). Come watch, listen and request your favorites. If you're brave, join the chorus!  Drinks are generous and conversation is on the house. 

85. Loveless Venue - Hit and Split

Snack time is anytime. If you've got a craving, stop by Hit and Split, the convenience store at Loveless Motel, located off the lobby. We have absolutely everything you never thought you needed.