524. Military Balls and Tuba City

 

Nic the Senior Manager of Loveless Motel called a leadership meeting this week to talk about drumming up business in its entertainment category, since lately Footlight Fairies Cabaret has suffered poor attendance due to some issues remaining from the Cat Show debacle. It seems half the drag queens have allergies and the dander remaining especially from the long haired pussies has caused half the chorus and one headliner to be down for the count.  

Bobbie Frapples, the show's lead, bravely attempted to carry a show on her own recently, but reactively coughed up so much mucous during her first number that she ruined the sequin gown she was wearing; the stage had to be squeegeed, and then dusted with a non-slip agent (a canister of Comet ) for the show to continue, causing customers to complain that everything, including cocktails, tasted or smelled like bleach. 

Not to be deterred, Nic is determined to overcome the slump, and out of their conversations, leadership has come up with an event, and is pondering a Military Ball of sorts. Junior Manager Taylor from Dallas said it best, coughing, grinning and clutching his package, barely contained in his pleated khaki pants, rhetorically asking "Who doesn't like uniform balls?" A swelling contingent of lads from nearby Camp Betsy Ross is sure to be interested, Nic believes, and if timed well, the pageant could coincide with the annual gush of seamen shooting to arrive during Fleet Week. Nic has given the publicity team, under the direction of Callum Z Blabber, the green light to develop advertising for the event.

Also on the meeting agenda was an update on the status of the class of interns from Tuba City, Arizona - the group who, though certainly checking the box of "hot" by physical measures, turned out to be pretty lukewarm in by all others,  as evidenced by their lack of survival skills at Nutbush Campground.  Jack Leyendecker, the talent and intern recruiter shouldered the blame, but Nic made light of the situation and complimented him on his overall performance, citing fate and anomaly as the true culprits.  The decision had come down to terminating eight intern contracts, and placing them all into the hands of Will U. Bonus as conscriptees until their debt is paid, working off the expense of their training. Uncle Joe pointed out that because of their crazy conspiracy-laden ideas, it would be best to isolate them from guests and the rest of the staff, making sure they are all housed in one dorm at the bunkhouse, or in a trailer  (Nic raised his eyebrows at the Aluminum City suggestion, referencing further loss of revenue if they were to take out of inventory a money maker like a trailer). 

They then settled on a cabin at the campground, and KP duty at the chuck wagon there to keep them occupied.  The final solution for the clusterfuck of vapid young Arizona John Birchers will be to deliver them all sooner than later  for basic training to the Army Recruiter in town, who  along with half of the local draft board, happens to be a regular at the Tubs located in the Bunkhouse at Loveless Motel, and will be a key contact for drumming up interest at Camp Betsy Ross for the upcoming Military Ball.  

519: Nutbush Campground Grand Opening!

 

Yesterday was the  big day - Loveless Motel has been working for months creating a campground to expand its spring, summer and fall accommodations and despite a forecast of rain, the big parade started off at the Motorpool, as promised.  Hard Tack manager Will U Bonus kilted up to pipe the assembled crowd into the campground, the parade winding down past the Bunkhouse, through the newly constructed archway.  On the shores of the campground swimming hole, a lone player answers Will's call.  A drum and brass trio escorted a solid line of VW campers through the Nutbush Campground arch, and the day was off to a perfect start.

Coffee and donuts awaited early arrivals as some of the staff from the Stables helped out to welcome the crowd.

Some of the campers wasted no time in exploring the amenities, like the group showers and latrines

A variety of shelter, from cabins to tents and trailers awaited eager outdoor enthusiasts

Wide open spaces to see and be seen!

One of THOSE interns was still  trying to get his rocks off...some people never learn.  This man is definitely a candidate for conscription, who will work off his debt as a Nutbush Campground go-fer, owed as a result of his failed internship.

First night draws to a close at Nutbush Campground at Loveless Motel

517. Three things for interns to to remember

Uncle Joe always inserts into his lectures during his intern classes at Loveless Motel "Three things to remember" and teaches this module as a class participation activity, and asks this particular class of nine men to form  3 groups of three by counting off "1,2 or 3" "I'm going to assign each group one thing to remember, and it's your task to illustrate to the class what each thing means and an easy way to remember it.  "Snap" Wadmacher will take a photo of each group showing us your interpretation. Here's the list! "

Okay number ones - here's your theme:

1. Always wear clean underwear, in the event you need to go the hospital unexpectedly, so that you don't bring shame on your family.

Number twos - show us this:

2.  A little brush with olive oil makes for a tasty crust on your buns.

And finally, number threes - 

3. Don't fill your plate too hastily.  In this house, we always make sure there's enough to go around for everybody to eat.

"Yes, Mother Joe"

516. Pragmatism

 

Since the closure of the Laundry Room guests have expressed concern that they have been taken to the cleaners on two counts.  The price of having laundry taken into town for dry-cleaning is exorbitant, and, they claim, the price of second hand clothing at Hard Tack General Store is being artificially jacked up to milk stranded vacationers out of money they would otherwise spend in the shops, bars and restaurants at Loveless Motel. 

In an effort to mitigate the situation, instead of being released from the Hoosegow into the custody of Hardtack Manager and Work Release coordinator Will U. Bonus, rule breakers will now do laundry duty in the abandoned early 20th century laundry building on the shores of Lake Loveless, where they will be supervised by interns, none of whom has been trained in the proper care of sequins, lame' or other disco apparel in general. This scheme was the brainchild of Uncle Joe, who has assured Nic the Senior Manager that guests will be asked to sign specific laundry-related waivers, and none of the interns will be used who were involved with the recent soft opening of Loveless Campground, except for being hung out to dry. 

 The entire enterprise will be short-lived anyway, as the fate of the Laundry Room and the 8 Ball Bar has been decided by the Love-Whistle Inc. Board of Directors. As of next week, crews will begin demolition of the wall separating the two spaces.  Combined, the new space will offer beer, billiards and a coin op laundry, and be rechristened "The Dirty Pool Bar"

509. Uncle Joe's First Clue

 

Jack Leyendecker, talent scout for Loveless Motel's intern program, made a trip to Tuba City, Arizona on a tip he received from an old friend that there was a cluster of young men there who showed promise and he might be able to fill half his quota in one stop. These fellows were all enrolled at the local community college voc/tech school, all had been members of the same basket ball team in high school, and continued their gamesmanship in weekend get togethers at a local  desert ranch under the guiding hand of the auto mechanic instructor there.  The end of the term and their training completed, Jack conducted interviews and convinced eight of them to come to Loveless Motel as interns, with the opportunity to have practical experience in the Motor Pool, and learn a bit about the hospitality industry, to boot.

Naturally the men congregated together, and even stayed in one small dorm in the Bunkhouse where they interacted with some of the guests, attended classes, but kept largely to themselves.  Talk soon began among the other members of the class that the Arizona lads had some interesting, nay, weird fucking notions.  Uncle Joe, Loveless Motel's chief classroom facilitator and disciplinarian, had encountered them hunched around a beach ball one afternoon during a class break, and learned they had never seen one before except in Annette Funicello movies, since they'd all grown up in the desert. Seemingly amazed by the sight of it, they rolled, poked and prodded the ball around the pool deck, and Joe opened the conversation with them as he approached the group by saying "Have you ever seen the movie "The Dictator", where Hitler bounces a beach ball Earth off his ass?"  

And from out of nowhere, one of the beach ball gazers says "The Earth ain't round - it's flat".  The other guys laughed, and one chimed in "He's a nut job, don't mind him, Uncle Joe.  We all know the earth ain't flat."  and then out of the same mouth "same as we all know Ike was a commie, just like we learned in Automatic Transmission Class".  Uncle Joe replied "Looks like the John Birch Society is alive and well in Tuba City!" to which the kid says "How'd you know?"

Fuck fuck fuck. Joe thought to himself...and I have to take these guys camping.  "Okay guys, let's get showered and then it's back to class."

446. Sometimes interns don't work out...

Despite the best efforts of our Intern Onboarding classes and instructors, sometimes a candidate just doesn't work out. Experience tells us that we really have to watch it when tapping blondes for our programming.  A prime example is seen here; a classic difference between the literal and the figurative.  Never tell a blonde already struggling with basic concepts to "get a move on" - that structure is going nowhere. Luckily, we have a successful offboarding process in which a man can work off the time and money we have spent on him, and he'll have a choice of joining the housekeeping staff until his debt is paid, or becoming a Certified Hustler (pending the outcome of a rigorous interview process), in which case his debt may be forgiven, or reduced.

400. Maintenance crew repairing grotto leak at The Tubs

The waterfall at the Tubs in the basement of The Bunkhouse has been temporarily shut off for a couple days to repair a leak in the grotto pool.  Contractors have quickly assessed the damage and workers are taking as few breaks as possible to insure the feature is restored to full working capacity in time for the influx of guests expected in the last 2 weeks of the year.  Only the most necessary activities of the crew are being sanctioned by the management.  When Nic, Loveless Motel Senior manager called the contractor's office and told the secretary "We've gotta leak in our basement",  she replied, "Go ahead, sir - it's your basement!"  She's been replaced by a promising young intern sent over my Nic.

390. Off the Hook

The Board of Directors of the Love-Whistle Inc. has decided to keep Loveless Motel Senior Manager Nic, recognizing all his hard work. Nic, a definite ass man who loves to fuck it and have his eaten, has asked one of his current favorite interns to his suite to help him celebrate by showing the boss some gratitude.  Psycho Randy and Snap Wadmacher helped film the party.