532.Road head reverie - the trip to Loveless

 

A few weeks ago we wrote to guests with confirmed reservations inviting them to keep a diary of pictures of their road trips down to Loveless Motel, including in the letter a coupon for 24 hour film developing at Shutter Bug Camera Shop, located off the lobby. That request paid off! We share with you here just a tip of the iceberg of results that we continue to get, and invite you, future and former guests, to send us pictures of yourselves on your way to see us. Whether you're in your driveway at the beginning of your trip, you have pulled over to a rest stop, found a deserted highway you heard might be interested, a public park in a town you passed through, or just stopped to get gas, we want to see you!

As a public service, we ask that you refrain from taking any pictures which may compromise your safety. Road head, while it is a well known travel delight, can be dangerous if the driver is the one receiving AND holding the camera, especially at that crucial moment that has your eyes rolling back in your head and you drop the camera, while your foot hits the accelerator pedal and you holler "MAMA!"

521. Making memories at Nutbush Campground

Opening weekend seems to have gone off without a hitch at Nutbush Campground at Loveless Motel.  Many campers took the time to explore the trails, and Snap Wadmacher of Shutter Bug Camera Shop tagged along and got some great shots of our nature lovers' activities.  Paying customers can expect to have their photos arrive in plain brown mailers soon, (with a return address of "Fishing Camp") to the addresses provided to the check-in desk upon registration.  This, of course, may present a challenge for a few men, who upon receiving the news that their picture packs may fall into the hands of mothers or wives, can rest assured that if they choose instead to cancel their orders that their pictures will be sold in our shops to paying customers in order to recoup the cost of goods and Snap's time, and be part of the annual Big Book of Deadbeats sold during the holiday season here in the shops at Loveless Motel and by mail order via advertisements found in smutty magazines in arcades and adult book shops across the land.

 

492. Ticklers Lounge After Hours

Ticklers Lounge at Loveless Motel, located off the lobby, has a pretty strict dress code: coat and tie, and if you aren't wearing a coat, they have a few in the back they will loan you for an evening.  Invariably, after a sultry evening of showtunes and pop laden with testosterone and queerness, like "My Boy Bill", "Mad About the Boy", "Secret Love", "We Kiss in a Shadow", and even "YMCA", sung in 12 part harmony around a piano that smells like scotch spilled on tweed and pinstriped wool, with a smoke chaser, it becomes more than a man can take and after last call and so the doors are locked for the few who want to remain behind.  Though the suits stay on, the zippers come down. Some of these guys have been brought here by their employers as part of an extended interview process. "Are you able to speak in front of an audience?  Are you outgoing - a bit of an extrovert? Do you enjoy showing gratitude in public?" These are questions a candidate for employment might well be asked, and should be prepared to demonstrate. Suits rule the economy, the social structure and stratosphere, and sexual hierarchy. Yes, cowboys and leathermen, you can only come in if you're on your knees and you put on that jacket.

476. Four Gents from Schenectady - w̶i̶t̶h̶ e̶d̶i̶t̶o̶r̶i̶a̶l̶ m̶a̶r̶k̶u̶p̶s̶

 

Responding to an ad in our circular, these four gents, occasional repeat guests from Schenectady, New York, have  sent an application and been approved to be in the big Nutbush Camp Ground Opening Day Parade and Celebration at Loveless Motel.  The parade will queue up in the Motorpool parking lot, winding its way through the property, leading interested guests past the 8 Ball Bar and Bunkhouse, up the road past The Stables, through the camp ground gate to the communal campfire area where participants will provide demonstrations and entertainment.  These fellows claim they are acrobats, aggressive and skilled at a number of feats  which will leave the crowd stunned, during which they intend to invite cooperative and openminded volunteers from the audience who will be eager to lie there and t̶a̶k̶e̶ i̶t̶ (respond) to a few c̶o̶m̶m̶a̶n̶d̶s̶ (suggestions). The quartet of junior factory managers has been practicing the concept on a collection of local h̶u̶s̶t̶l̶e̶r̶s̶ (GE union workers) who needed  ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶c̶a̶s̶h̶. (a financial cushion to tide them over during the recent labor strikes), A few surprises are promised.

475. Juices health nut bar and gossip mill

Recent victims of the jockstrap thief who's been menacing Loveless Motel meet together at "Juices," the health nut juice bar at The Tubs in the basement of the Bunkhouse.  Gabby B. Lyon, the juice jerk there gets their attention as he tells them about the fragment of a mumbled conversation he overheard between a couple of men the other night. Just out of sight, he couldn't tell who they were, but clearly heard "It's YOU!"  "Ordinarily I hear nothing but it was such a quiet night and very few guys.  I know that new hotel dick was here because he sat here and had a carrot juice and said he wanted to pump me for some information.  I told him I couldn't imagine what information he thought might be worth pumping me for, but that my shift ends at 6AM.  He told me he'd be gone by then but would pin me down another time, finished his juice and headed for the showers.  I'm pretty sure it was his voice.  About half an hour after that, another guy came in,  sat on the same stool - I recognized him as the Doc, wearing a jockstrap that was a little too big on him - go figure!  He gave a lecture last year in the Grab Basket Conference Room - something like "You and your Dick".  It was pretty thorough...he demonstrated and asked us all to  join in.  While he was drinking his carrot juice I reminded him about that lecture.  He gave me a nice tip, right in this jar here that says "TIPS" " Gabby then makes a grand gesture, lifting the jar in front of his customers, his head cocked and eyebrows raised, saying but not saying "Fill 'er up, motherfuckers". One of the smart-aleck gobblers says "I forgot my wallet" and they all wander off tittering "Oh, Mary" this and "Oh, Mary" that...

"You can't get a word in edgewise with that little queen. I don't think he took a fucking breath the whole fucking time! Next time, I swear I'm gonna pull a quarter outta my ass for that jar"

468. Lake Loveless Polar Bear Club

Traditionally the first snow after Groundhog Day at Loveless Motel, the Polar Bear Club meets for its annual celebration of freezing your ass off in Lake Loveless, because the pursuit of non-stop indiscriminate and anonymous sex just isn't enough for some vacationers at our discreet little paradise. Central to the yearly observance is "Pops" Vielengelt, its original organizer and an Oshkosh, Wisconsin delicatessen owner who remembers the days when Edgar Loveless and Sinjin Birdwhistle entertained at Loveless Lodge. Never without the company of a youthful companion, this year he's treating us to the visage of his twin "nephews" who'll escort him into the frigid lake waters. He says their names are Dan and Don, and whenever he forgets their names, he only needs to sing the bell sounds of Frère Jacques in French ("din, dan, don") to keep himself out of trouble, which also serves as a reminder to him that they are uncut, whenever that happens to come up in conversation.

It's also traditional for Dr. John Long's phone to start ringing off the hook for the next several days as the foolishness of what our "Polar Bears" have done sinks into the heads of some of our more delicate little Pogies, Uranians, Margo Polos and Beach Bitches, necessitating a virtual gangbang of rectal thermometer use and pill-popping in the Doc's office. As if an all out free-for-all Bacchanalian romp after the antediluvian dip would make it all better..

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