505. There's a man in my kitchen cabinet!

One of our booking agents in the phone room at Loveless Motel reports an anxious guest has lodged a complaint, and the conversation went like this:

Agent: Good morning - let's plan your next vacation! What are you wearing?

Caller: What do you mean, what am I wearing?  Who cares what I'm wearing. There's a naked man in my kitchen cabinet, and I am afraid for my life, and for the safety of my canned fruit!

Agent: Well, how did that happen? Have you called your local police? That sounds quite concerning. Perhaps he prefers only fresh fruit. Are then any reports of burglars in your area?   Are there any signs he has tampered with your cans or manhandled your Little Debbies? Is he by any chance a missing man?

Caller: What the fuck? Missing? No, he's fucking RIGHT HERE!  Get security over here right away - I'm in a trailer home on Lovers Lane in Aluminum City...you guys need to take care of this.

Agent:  Sir, you've called the booking line and I can't tell where you are, except to say that it appears you are calling from an outside line when you call this number. You should have called the front desk. But don't worry. I'll get them on the line right now - can you provide a description of the intruder?

Caller:  Thank you - he's about 6 foot, slender, well defined, nice smile, blonde, nice bush, 6 cut, asking me if i need anything, deep voice, starting to get har-har-har-har huh-haaaaaaaard-shit, oh my...oh...fuck. Damn.  Hold it - hold it hold it... no YES NO yes please YES shit fuck. I'll call ba-ba-ba-back. <CLICK>

453. William Urquhart Bonus - 1st Laird of Loveless

 

Will, the  recently hired manager of Hard Tack General Store and mentor of the work-release program at Loveless Motel was asked by one of his recent charges what the U stood for.  He recounted a lengthy story to the intrigued questioner regarding his maternal ancestors who trace their roots back to Urquhart Castle on Loch Ness in Scotland, explaining that those who claim great familiarity with the men of the line can attest to what is really meant by the "Loch Ness Monster". Will chortled while his startled inquisitor's gaze moved involuntarily downward.

  

Will U. Bonus (after William the Rough, a 13th century occupant of the castle) claims he has a collection of kilts that he'll probably start wearing in the shop once the summer humidity starts to take hold. On his days off in town, or for his visits to the Hit and Split, or when walking through the lobby he'll need to wear something; otherwise his free time will most likely be spent blending in with guests in and around the Bunkhouse and The Tubs, since fewer clothing is required and fraternization is encouraged by the management.  He's a nudist a heart and wears the bare minimum when he must, and nothing at all whenever the surroundings or temperature cooperate. 

As men with personal monsters are apt to tell you, his has a pet name - "The Laird of Loveless", bestowed upon him by his new associates. And when in his cups, he's known to speak in a deep and affected low brogue whenever it's called to meet the moment. With his head tossed back and sweat on his brow, every mentee under his considerable spell has heard him say, "Ah, that's it, right there, Jamie my Boy with the wee tight hole. The Laird is comin' in. Right there."

413. Footlight Fairies Cabaret NYE Dance Rehearsals

New Years Eve promises to be an event long remembered this year at Footlight Fairies Cabaret, located off the lobby at Loveless Motel. Chorus boys in rehearsal are working hard, perfecting challenging moves such as full splits, often requiring the assistance of more than one man for those dancers who've not been limbered up in a while. Plunging to the floor suddenly from a full standing position onto an unyielding, rock hard surface can really separate the novice from the professional, and practice is key to being able to give a tightly choreographed exhibition, stretching the limits of even the most accomplished performer.

412. Mr. Dick Blunt's collection of antique dildos

Mr. Dick Blunt, proprietor of Blunt Smoke Shop and Lottery Tickets, tells us he has been a collector of antique erotica, and particularly dildos, for several years.  Ironically, despite his admirable personal attributes, it turns out that he enjoys stimulation of many kinds, and seeks out those men who can match him on a physical as well as an intellectual basis. He's happy to discuss and share is rare collection with discerning gentlemen in his private quarters  at Aluminum City.  After a few beers, a demonstration of the effective utility of some of his favorites is not out of the question.

337. Sometimes a feller needs a break

While it's all just fine and dandy that a guest of Loveless Motel can head over to The Stables to rent a horse without a thought, our ranch hands work hard! Sometimes, a feller just needs to take a break.

 

284. Townies are hanging around the parking lots

You've received this notice prior to your arrival in the interests of a safe stay at Loveless Motel.  Prearrival guests should be aware that we have seen an uptick in local men hanging around the parking lots at Loveless Motel, Aluminum City, and the Loveless Truck Stop, especially in the later evening, targeting late arrival guests. While we understand the undeniable allure of some of these men, please be advised that while you are having your balls sucked in your vehicle in the parking lot by an eager, plum-lipped stud, he may also be lifting your wallet out of the pants he just coaxed you out of.  At a minimum, we suggest you trick the bastards by stowing your wallet in your suitcase prior to arrival, and enjoy the experience, worry-free.

282. Smokers Club at Loveless

 Those seeking a good smoke can head over to Blunt Smoke Shop and Lottery Tickets, located off the lobby.  The camaraderie there is undeniable, and newly made friends often get together in small groups to share a blunt of one kind or another, heading back to their private rooms to relax, swap stories and bodily fluids.

203. Time honored tradition...

 At Loveless Motel, if your crave a taste of home, stop by our own version of Vaseline Alley...just follow the crowd.  We have a park bench with your name on it.

198. We can fit you in ....

There are so many impressive candidates lately, the Management at Loveless Motel has been stretching to fit some candidates in.  But our professional team always finds a way for the right candidate.

192. Ready for your interview...

 At Loveless Motel, our manager takes seriously the task of interviewing prospects, and reminds one and all to dress for the job you want. Seeing an intern correctly dressed makes him very happy. Make an impression by patronizing Suit Up, located off the lobby, where our manager shops, and where you can find the latest in business attire and casually elegant day and evening resort wear, whether bespoke or well known brands.

169. Hey Cowboy

Hey Cowboy! Maybe we'll see you tonight at the Malamute Saloon in the Bunkhouse at Loveless Motel

168. Hitting the trail

 Checking out the popular trails at Loveless Motel, over in the vicinity of the Silver Bullet Bar during the day or night, you'll find some picnic tables that come in handy for more than just picnics.  

124. TGIF Happy Hour

TGIF Happy Hour gatherings at the Silver Bullet Bar down in the woods at Loveless Motel are well known for the clientele and results.  

75. Bartenders need breaks too...

 Even bartenders get federally mandated break periods at Loveless Motel, and that's usually just enough time.

73. Feeding Time in Room 222

Make fast friends and meet men of all kinds at Loveless Motel.  Taste your daddy. He's an executive, currently booked in room 222. The door's open.

 

45. Find Your L Spot

 Stake your claim early any Sunday to get the best spot and most exposure for the Tea Dance at Loveless Motel. This model, supplied by Shutter Bug Camera Shop (located off the lobby) asked the photographer "What is an "L" spot?" and was told "None of your fucking business - just do your job."

32. Well-sprung and firm!

 All of our rooms are equipped with the latest bedding, including well-sprung, firm mattresses just when you need them.

21. We're getting a new roof!

Hey guys, we're getting a new roof at Loveless  Motel!  Men from a local roofing company will be seen on the property and up on the rooftops from 8am to 5pm Monday through Friday, weather allowing.  And don't be surprised if you see them for Happy Hour in the Tiki Lounge after their shift.  FYI, for you Bunkhouse guests, we offer the roofers shower privileges from 5-8PM during the week.  Make them feel welcome!

13. New Intern/Employee Education

As part of the onboarding process at Loveless Motel, new interns will attend classes and fill out forms. Classes are always held in a casual setting - dress for comfort.  Instructors are always looking for students who are a cut above...