524. Military Balls and Tuba City

 

Nic the Senior Manager of Loveless Motel called a leadership meeting this week to talk about drumming up business in its entertainment category, since lately Footlight Fairies Cabaret has suffered poor attendance due to some issues remaining from the Cat Show debacle. It seems half the drag queens have allergies and the dander remaining especially from the long haired pussies has caused half the chorus and one headliner to be down for the count.  

Bobbie Frapples, the show's lead, bravely attempted to carry a show on her own recently, but reactively coughed up so much mucous during her first number that she ruined the sequin gown she was wearing; the stage had to be squeegeed, and then dusted with a non-slip agent (a canister of Comet ) for the show to continue, causing customers to complain that everything, including cocktails, tasted or smelled like bleach. 

Not to be deterred, Nic is determined to overcome the slump, and out of their conversations, leadership has come up with an event, and is pondering a Military Ball of sorts. Junior Manager Taylor from Dallas said it best, coughing, grinning and clutching his package, barely contained in his pleated khaki pants, rhetorically asking "Who doesn't like uniform balls?" A swelling contingent of lads from nearby Camp Betsy Ross is sure to be interested, Nic believes, and if timed well, the pageant could coincide with the annual gush of seamen shooting to arrive during Fleet Week. Nic has given the publicity team, under the direction of Callum Z Blabber, the green light to develop advertising for the event.

Also on the meeting agenda was an update on the status of the class of interns from Tuba City, Arizona - the group who, though certainly checking the box of "hot" by physical measures, turned out to be pretty lukewarm in by all others,  as evidenced by their lack of survival skills at Nutbush Campground.  Jack Leyendecker, the talent and intern recruiter shouldered the blame, but Nic made light of the situation and complimented him on his overall performance, citing fate and anomaly as the true culprits.  The decision had come down to terminating eight intern contracts, and placing them all into the hands of Will U. Bonus as conscriptees until their debt is paid, working off the expense of their training. Uncle Joe pointed out that because of their crazy conspiracy-laden ideas, it would be best to isolate them from guests and the rest of the staff, making sure they are all housed in one dorm at the bunkhouse, or in a trailer  (Nic raised his eyebrows at the Aluminum City suggestion, referencing further loss of revenue if they were to take out of inventory a money maker like a trailer). 

They then settled on a cabin at the campground, and KP duty at the chuck wagon there to keep them occupied.  The final solution for the clusterfuck of vapid young Arizona John Birchers will be to deliver them all sooner than later  for basic training to the Army Recruiter in town, who  along with half of the local draft board, happens to be a regular at the Tubs located in the Bunkhouse at Loveless Motel, and will be a key contact for drumming up interest at Camp Betsy Ross for the upcoming Military Ball.  

509. Uncle Joe's First Clue

 

Jack Leyendecker, talent scout for Loveless Motel's intern program, made a trip to Tuba City, Arizona on a tip he received from an old friend that there was a cluster of young men there who showed promise and he might be able to fill half his quota in one stop. These fellows were all enrolled at the local community college voc/tech school, all had been members of the same basket ball team in high school, and continued their gamesmanship in weekend get togethers at a local  desert ranch under the guiding hand of the auto mechanic instructor there.  The end of the term and their training completed, Jack conducted interviews and convinced eight of them to come to Loveless Motel as interns, with the opportunity to have practical experience in the Motor Pool, and learn a bit about the hospitality industry, to boot.

Naturally the men congregated together, and even stayed in one small dorm in the Bunkhouse where they interacted with some of the guests, attended classes, but kept largely to themselves.  Talk soon began among the other members of the class that the Arizona lads had some interesting, nay, weird fucking notions.  Uncle Joe, Loveless Motel's chief classroom facilitator and disciplinarian, had encountered them hunched around a beach ball one afternoon during a class break, and learned they had never seen one before except in Annette Funicello movies, since they'd all grown up in the desert. Seemingly amazed by the sight of it, they rolled, poked and prodded the ball around the pool deck, and Joe opened the conversation with them as he approached the group by saying "Have you ever seen the movie "The Dictator", where Hitler bounces a beach ball Earth off his ass?"  

And from out of nowhere, one of the beach ball gazers says "The Earth ain't round - it's flat".  The other guys laughed, and one chimed in "He's a nut job, don't mind him, Uncle Joe.  We all know the earth ain't flat."  and then out of the same mouth "same as we all know Ike was a commie, just like we learned in Automatic Transmission Class".  Uncle Joe replied "Looks like the John Birch Society is alive and well in Tuba City!" to which the kid says "How'd you know?"

Fuck fuck fuck. Joe thought to himself...and I have to take these guys camping.  "Okay guys, let's get showered and then it's back to class."

508. Nutbush Campground Soft Opening

 

The soft opening of Nutbush Campground is being conducted by the current class of interns of Loveless Motel Internship Program.  Their graduation contingent on successfully completing a group challenge, they're tasked with venturing out onto the nearly complete Nutbush Campground and finding a tent site. They must scout out sites anywhere on the property, vast by any measure, and lay claim to the perfect spot. Several site styles have been constructed, including full hookup, partial hookup, and "rustic" sites which have absolutely no amenities, relying on a camper's skills to survive in the wild (or more likely what they will chose because it's all they can afford). Interns are scouting the "rustic" variety, hiking to a spot and pitching a tent, where-ever.  These gents decided on the rock pictured above, agreeing, to a man, that it would provide a nice solid floor and drainage in the event of rain.  Never fucking mind that you can't drive a stake into a rock.  

Upon reviewing the collective choice decided upon by the new men, Intern classroom training facilitator Uncle Joe expressed his concern to Jack Leyendecker, the Loveless talent scout. " What the fuck were you thinking, Jack? These guys are idiots! They want to pitch a tent on solid rock!" "Yeah, but their talent, man...they're all very talented!" Nic, the senior manager agrees. He can personally attest to each man's "talent", and has the pictures to prove it. He's instructed Uncle Joe, over whimpering objections and a pouty face, to assist the men in finding ground on a very slight slope offering drainage and on something you can easily pound. Both Intern graduation and the official Nutbush Campground Grand Opening are on schedule, as planned. Good luck, gentlemen!

Looking for a softer spot

Eureka!

A man with something to pound

193. The well-clothed man, and the nearly naked man

Our activities coordinator Jack Leyendecker has recently returned from a scouting trip and has hired a helper for the summer season here at Loveless Motel.  Business meets casual. Jack gets all his outfits directly from Mssrs. Swallows and Dewitt at Suit Up, located off the lobby.