525. Sheriff Buck N. McBuff is no fool

These wholesome looking brother-fuckers are up to no good.  New to Loveless Motel, they'd seen flyers for Nutbush Campground and after calling to book ("Welcome to Loveless Motel - what are you wearing?")  they arrived on opening day with backpacks and are still exploring  and roughing it.  They'd heard that Loveless even has a detention center called The Hoosegow which actually houses rule-breakers and miscreants who get on the wrong side of the rules or otherwise annoy the on-site "sheriff". Tired of the great outdoors, out of money and not ready to go home, they're looking for a way to stay on management's dime. Further inquiries have led them to a fellow camper who produced a set of pictures he happened to be carrying with him, and shared reminiscences of his brief incarceration which happened as a result of  turning down a blowjob from an incognito Sheriff Buck N. McBuff, proprietor of said Hoosegow, because nobody, but nobody, says no to the Buckster. It rapidly got him a ticket to the clink, free food, drink and lodging!

 Needless to say the set of pictures have given the men ideas and with the aid of the ironmonger over at the Stables, they have constructed a set of iron bars, and are headed in the direction of the Hoosegow, carrying the 350 pound creation. gathering a following and receiving encouragement as they move back in the direction of civilization.  Their plan is to confront Sheriff Buck, and loudly proclaim outside the window for all to hear, that they wouldn't let Buck give them blow jobs if he were the last man on earth, and then dare him to incarcerate them. Surely that'll get them 5 berths in a cell!

What they don't know is that McBuff is no fool. The Hoosegow is full up and he doesn't have the space to keep these sunbaked yokels. He'll take that challenge, right in front of the Bunkhouse and the crazy campers will get their own set of photos of Buck reveling in an impromptu jizz-guzzling party, servicing each of them in turn, spurred on by a large and growing audience, and be sent back to Podunk with a free set of pictures, their 'nads drained and with smiles on their faces. Snap Wadmacher, ace photographer from Shutterbug Camera Shop, located off the lobby at Loveless Motel, can be on the scene in about two minutes. Don't let it ever be said that Sheriff Buck N. McBuff didn't get his men, one way or the other.

496. Loveless Motel can take a hint...

A group of men loitering around the Laundry Room, sucking cock and petting a pussy, have caused a serious accident with a guest who has come in to check on the status of his load. Continual warnings coupled with outright willful defiance of simple rules haven't done the job. The Board, at the suggestion of Nic the senior manager, has decided to close The Laundry Room, and redesign the 8 Ball Bar, prompting its closure as well. Guests will be given the option to have their laundry done by staff when we do our sheets, or have it collected and sent into town for dry cleaning, all at the expense of guests who my be entirely innocent and obey posted rules.  Watch this space for a permanent solution, despite the evidence presented by guests to our establishment that "this is why we just can't have nice things."  In the meantime, remember our motto:  "Safety begins with thee and me". The Hoosegow and the dispensary will be busy tonight.  We have sent an internal memo to all staff members, including Certified Hustlers, reinforcing our belief that pussies get you into all kinds of bad trouble, and we have notified a guest that his cat escaped the Cat Show debacle, though it is still at large, and was last seen running in the direction of the soon-to-open Nutbush Campground.

493. Hoosegow Infidelity

How often does the management have to say that you should not hog the buffet line on Taco Tuesday at Pub and Grub, located on the first floor of the Bunkhouse.  While it is true that there is no limit, there is a strict rule that after your first five, you can only return to the bar to claim two more at a time.  This is, of course, because Jorge and Manuelito can only make them so fast, and we have a lot of mouths to feed. Therefore, when you have had a fucking keg of beer practically to yourself and it's not even 2PM, you do not want to get caught piling two dozen tacos on a tray that you stole from the kitchen and bring them to your table for the world to see.  This gets you a ticket straight into the Hoosegow.  On top of it, brandishing a gun to warn off the help when they come to take you away is foolhardy, especially when everyone knows its a licorice one you bought at Hit and Split, located off the lobby.  And when you get to your cell, your fellow incarceree says he doesn't like licorice, he means it. 

Lucky you, you have a clingy sweetheart who'll be waiting for you on the outside.  There is no bail at the Hoosegow; he'll have to camp out until next Tuesday. And all you have to worry about is when he asks you why your pucker hole tastes like licorice.

444. Bunkhouse Blues

On hearing the news that a selection had been made for the new House Detective position, Sheriff Buck N. McBuff, the Hoosegow jailhouse custodian at the Bunkhouse, let management know about his unhappiness, in no uncertain terms. In a confrontation with Senior Manager Nic, holding back tears, Buck exclaimed, "What about my application?  Don't I even get feedback?? It shoulda been me!  I've given months of my life to this company! I may only have four inches, but it's the best damned four inches in town!" and whipped out his cock right in the office! No stranger to cocks being whipped out in his office, Nic calmly explained that cock size wasn't the ONLY consideration in picking a candidate. He proceeded to comfort Buck in the way he does best, with plenty of good feedback and stuff, and it's all better now.

423. Hard Tack General store receives jockstrap consignment

 

Hard Tack General Store at Loveless Motel tells us they have just received a good quantity of freshly laundered jock straps and denim jeans in several sizes. Hard Tack specializes in used cowboy, denim, uniform and leather gear, often left behind by guests, consigned, or purchased in the local town. Our work-release program offers gainful employment to those errant men who have been released from the Hoosegow where they've spent time for breaking the rules of our establishment, and some of the gents acquire a work ethic and personal polish which allows them to graduate into our Certified Hustler program. Stop by Hard Tack General Store for the best in personal service and merchandise selection. Manager Will U. Bonus is eager to personally see to each customer's needs, and guides the progress of his work-release charges with a firm hand.

Manager Will U. Bonus

"If you plan to shoplift, let us know"

416. Shit that will get you landed in The Hoosegow

As a reminder:

Guests who run afoul of the rules at Loveless Motel will have an opportunity to think about what they've done at The Hoosegow, located at the Bunkhouse. Shit like the following, but not limited to this list, is guaranteed to fuck up your vacation. Remember, there's a sign above the door that reads "Fuck Around and Find Out"

1. Talking to a lifeguard while on duty

2. Stealing from the business or from a guest

3. Creating a safety hazard, such as loitering around the Laundry Room entrance 

4. Hustling without a "Certified Hustler" certificate

 5. Being nude in a non-nude area

 

415. Stolen Wallet leads to a fun game - "Revenge"

Last night at the Silver Bullet Bar, located in a wooded area at Loveless Motel, our hairy bleach blonde stud picked up a guest who was staying over at Aluminum City for a house party. Things got sloppy drunk and our blonde friend saw an opportunity to lift his trick's wallet.  To make a long story short, he was seen by one of the more sober houseguests who, in the morning as blondie slept, explained the situation to the group. Miss Clairol thought everything was going smoothly when he woke up, and was all in when someone suggested a game of Blind Man's Buff in one of the fields, despite the cold weather, and our good natured light-fingered lad says he'll be the first to put on the bandana.  Then, blind as he was, he heard one of the bunch say "Okay bud. The real name of this game is "find your fucking car keys in the woods" ".  He heard a set of keys being rattled, laughter, and from a distance, "and I've got my wallet back. Good luck finding your keys, ya stoopid naked bastard"

There's an office pool on how long it will take him to find those keys in that field, and a berth in the Hoosegow has his name on it.

384. Hoosegow Bound - Hit and Split nude arrest

Contrary to the rules, a guest was caught shopping nude at Hit and Split, the convenience store off the lobby at Loveless Motel.  Guests are reminded that the store and the lobby (and the parking lot during daylight hours) are the only places nudity is not allowed at the resort, because they have outside entrances easily accessed by the general public.  Flagrant disregard of the rules will land you a night in the Hoosegow, the detention center located at the Bunkhouse, where just about anything might happen, at the discretion of the staff of the facility.