541. Footlight Fairies Cabaret Turn-About JC Superstar

Some of the cast at Footlight Fairies Cabaret (located off the lobby at Loveless Motel) are caught treading the boards in rehearsal for an as yet unannounced number, but a little bird has let us know that the one-night-only production will feature an all male, all nude cast presenting snippets of Jesus Christ Superstar. Show Director Bobbi Frapples says "Yes, I know we are taking a lot of liberties here, however we're saving a fortune on costumes."  In this scene, a confrontational J.C.(portrayed by the sensational Mr. Leva Malone, Miss F I Des Moines, 1962) is calmed by Marty Magdalene (as usual, on his knees) and Judas Iscariot, who entreat him with "Everything's Alright". In the fully realized production, beards will be added.  Isn't that just always the way...  

Mr. Frapples candidly confesses they still have to work out how tips will be handled, because after all it IS drag queens, albeit out of drag,  but currently the thought is coin-tossing from audience seats with silver dollars purchased in advance, to simulate shekels. The idea has been presented to Nic the Senior Manager who, concerned with liability issues of flying metal objects hurled by drunks with petty grudges in the direction of a stage in a darkened room, will seek the advice of Pounds, Butts and Bates LLC., Loveless Motel's solicitors of choice.

533. ¡Mi caballo es muy caliente!

Loveless Motel celebrates the rich diversity, culture and sabor of our guests - one of the gentlemen, Rod, in Room 222 asked for Snap Wadmacher to come in and do a photo shoot with some Cinco de Mayo props, and as luck would have it, Rod's a bit of a show off and has a sense of humor to boot. Vivid color and black and white film were used to capture the mood, hot horse cock and all.  Like Snap says, "What business goes on at Loveless is nobody's business but Loveless' business."

524. Military Balls and Tuba City

 

Nic the Senior Manager of Loveless Motel called a leadership meeting this week to talk about drumming up business in its entertainment category, since lately Footlight Fairies Cabaret has suffered poor attendance due to some issues remaining from the Cat Show debacle. It seems half the drag queens have allergies and the dander remaining especially from the long haired pussies has caused half the chorus and one headliner to be down for the count.  

Bobbie Frapples, the show's lead, bravely attempted to carry a show on her own recently, but reactively coughed up so much mucous during her first number that she ruined the sequin gown she was wearing; the stage had to be squeegeed, and then dusted with a non-slip agent (a canister of Comet ) for the show to continue, causing customers to complain that everything, including cocktails, tasted or smelled like bleach. 

Not to be deterred, Nic is determined to overcome the slump, and out of their conversations, leadership has come up with an event, and is pondering a Military Ball of sorts. Junior Manager Taylor from Dallas said it best, coughing, grinning and clutching his package, barely contained in his pleated khaki pants, rhetorically asking "Who doesn't like uniform balls?" A swelling contingent of lads from nearby Camp Betsy Ross is sure to be interested, Nic believes, and if timed well, the pageant could coincide with the annual gush of seamen shooting to arrive during Fleet Week. Nic has given the publicity team, under the direction of Callum Z Blabber, the green light to develop advertising for the event.

Also on the meeting agenda was an update on the status of the class of interns from Tuba City, Arizona - the group who, though certainly checking the box of "hot" by physical measures, turned out to be pretty lukewarm in by all others,  as evidenced by their lack of survival skills at Nutbush Campground.  Jack Leyendecker, the talent and intern recruiter shouldered the blame, but Nic made light of the situation and complimented him on his overall performance, citing fate and anomaly as the true culprits.  The decision had come down to terminating eight intern contracts, and placing them all into the hands of Will U. Bonus as conscriptees until their debt is paid, working off the expense of their training. Uncle Joe pointed out that because of their crazy conspiracy-laden ideas, it would be best to isolate them from guests and the rest of the staff, making sure they are all housed in one dorm at the bunkhouse, or in a trailer  (Nic raised his eyebrows at the Aluminum City suggestion, referencing further loss of revenue if they were to take out of inventory a money maker like a trailer). 

They then settled on a cabin at the campground, and KP duty at the chuck wagon there to keep them occupied.  The final solution for the clusterfuck of vapid young Arizona John Birchers will be to deliver them all sooner than later  for basic training to the Army Recruiter in town, who  along with half of the local draft board, happens to be a regular at the Tubs located in the Bunkhouse at Loveless Motel, and will be a key contact for drumming up interest at Camp Betsy Ross for the upcoming Military Ball.  

488. The Last Annual Loveless Motel Cat Show AKA What's in the box?

A couple days ago we told you about the First Annual Loveless Motel Cat Show. Scratch that. (so to speak). Make that First and Last. Here's what went down. A late entry was called in Friday night, and Nic allowed the two men, Alberich and Bob, to enter their cat. The men arrived with quite a bit of luggage and one very large crate, and due to its size, they were given a larger unit on Lover's Lane near the other entrants' lodgings, however all the recently tiled units were taken and so a carpeted unit had to do.

Yesterday morning, the day of the show, held in Footlight Fairies Cabaret, each of the owners set up his table with his cat on display, and Alberich and Bob wheeled in their sizeable crate. The table had to be removed due to its inadequacy, and the two men stood next to the big box while the auditorium filled with cat fanciers and curiosity seekers alike. There were oohs and ahs as the crowd began to circulate among the tables, hardly observing little easy-to-follow directional signs like "Do not insert your fucking fingers into the fucking cage". The temptation to feel fur is just a bit much for some people, and so there was a lot of touching and feeling going on of the cats, too. Foregoing the usual understated attire for such a show, Alberich in his rhinestone studded cape, and Bob with a whip, in his bulging skin-tight unitard, stood out among the others, but unfortunately the crate being guarded by the two men was solid wood, and there was nothing to be seen, so the crowd largely ignored them.

Damon and Pythias

Pyewacket

Piddles

Patty, Maxine and LaVerne

Butterball

Lucifer

Bobbi Frapples

At some point, the Emcee, one of the Cabaret's most glamorous drag queens, reportedly hung like a racehorse and a bossy top man, Bobbi Frapples, was heard over the sound system (deeply) directing the crowd to take their seats around the perimeter of the performance ring that had been set up, and each man began to walk, leash in hand, flaunting his pussy to the animated applause of those assembled to witness the show. The three judges held up placards with a score, and Piddles was a clear favorite to win.

Finally, Alberich and Bob were called to walk their entry in the ring. Pulling a ripcord on the crate, a huge circus cat leapt from the box and neither Bob nor Alberich were able to grab its leash as it headed for the available prey unprotected by their cages. The scene was horrific.

After containing the big cat, it became evident that the only thing to do was to call on Dr. John Long, who as it happened had already been called to the hall earlier when a contestant tripped over a litter box which he suspected had been placed there by a jealous rival.

An unfortunate injury was also sustained when the escaped big cat chased down one of the waiters who, as it happens, had met and served his stalker's handlers at Birdwhistle's Tearoom and after his shift had been himself invited "to see our Bavarian cowbell collection." In the midst of that little interlude, complete with a demonstration, he found himself serviced on both ends by Alberich and Bob in their accommodations on Lover's Lane the evening of their arrival. He even asked "What's in the box?"

But to no avail; the only answer that came was a series of grunts and a slew of dirty and delicious fuck words.

Now one-handed, he'll never ring anyone's bells again, let alone serve them dinner. And to top it off, his missing part happened to be on the dominant, right side! Working at Loveless Motel in any capacity comes with both great rewards and unspecified risks.

It was all Dr. John could do to attend to the wounded and mop up the cats, in hopes of finding a few that me might be able to use in a new display of anthropomorphic taxidermy.

The Last Cat Show at Loveless Motel

420. In case you missed NYE at Footlight Fairies Cabaret

New Year's Eve this year included a stellar lineup of coverboys, flesh fantasies, D list opera singers, and Mariachi rockers.  Who could ask for anything more at Footlight Fairies Cabaret, located off the lobby at Loveless Motel.  In related news, one performer expired (luckily off stage and after his performance) of lead poisoning due to an overapplication of metallic makeup, and the audience was so blitzed that the sound of an arriving ambulance was assumed to be just part of the show at neighboring Smarty Pants Disco.

155. At the Devil's Ball

From time to time, Loveless Motel plays host to great drag shows, from festive amateur nights to full-on balls, with well- known professional entertainers a mainstay in the Footlight Fairies Cabaret, located off the lobby.