437. Housekeeping slightly behind - check-ins delayed

We regret to inform those of you who've been waiting to check in by our promised 3 PM time, that due to a shortage of staff in housekeeping, as well as training issues, rooms will be assigned upon arrival but actual occupancy of rooms will be delayed until 7 PM today.  Existing staff  is working feverishly to clear the rooms, but the lack of domestic talent is made obvious by this documentary photo, indicating that when ironing linens, it does help to put the plug into a wall outlet.  Inconvenienced guests will receive a 10 percent discount on one meal in any of our restaurants.

284. Townies are hanging around the parking lots

You've received this notice prior to your arrival in the interests of a safe stay at Loveless Motel.  Prearrival guests should be aware that we have seen an uptick in local men hanging around the parking lots at Loveless Motel, Aluminum City, and the Loveless Truck Stop, especially in the later evening, targeting late arrival guests. While we understand the undeniable allure of some of these men, please be advised that while you are having your balls sucked in your vehicle in the parking lot by an eager, plum-lipped stud, he may also be lifting your wallet out of the pants he just coaxed you out of.  At a minimum, we suggest you trick the bastards by stowing your wallet in your suitcase prior to arrival, and enjoy the experience, worry-free.