505. There's a man in my kitchen cabinet!

One of our booking agents in the phone room at Loveless Motel reports an anxious guest has lodged a complaint, and the conversation went like this:

Agent: Good morning - let's plan your next vacation! What are you wearing?

Caller: What do you mean, what am I wearing?  Who cares what I'm wearing. There's a naked man in my kitchen cabinet, and I am afraid for my life, and for the safety of my canned fruit!

Agent: Well, how did that happen? Have you called your local police? That sounds quite concerning. Perhaps he prefers only fresh fruit. Are then any reports of burglars in your area?   Are there any signs he has tampered with your cans or manhandled your Little Debbies? Is he by any chance a missing man?

Caller: What the fuck? Missing? No, he's fucking RIGHT HERE!  Get security over here right away - I'm in a trailer home on Lovers Lane in Aluminum City...you guys need to take care of this.

Agent:  Sir, you've called the booking line and I can't tell where you are, except to say that it appears you are calling from an outside line when you call this number. You should have called the front desk. But don't worry. I'll get them on the line right now - can you provide a description of the intruder?

Caller:  Thank you - he's about 6 foot, slender, well defined, nice smile, blonde, nice bush, 6 cut, asking me if i need anything, deep voice, starting to get har-har-har-har huh-haaaaaaaard-shit, oh my...oh...fuck. Damn.  Hold it - hold it hold it... no YES NO yes please YES shit fuck. I'll call ba-ba-ba-back. <CLICK>

456. Aluminum City Celebrates Chinese New Year!

In honor of Chinese New Year, some of the units in Aluminum City have been upgraded with new red carpeting and a stunning Chinoiserie hand carved rosewood chair with dragon handles; a souvenir teal colored enameled floor ash tray will be offered as a gift to the first 20 lodgers to book the units.  These same units have had their wall paneling re-lacquered in a durable lead-based formula and an exciting shade created specifically for Loveless Motel called "Monkey Jungle Taupe." 

In an alarming effort to offer an experience consistent with the theming of our little Aluminum City hutong, "Forbidden (Fruit) City",  an "edict" from Nic, the senior manager will  be handed to any qualifying lodgers via an unexpected knock on the unit door, dictating that men staying in these units must either have fully developed facial hair, or be clean shaven - nothing in-between, and therefore will have to have their nascent facial hair forcibly removed in a sudden visit from Dick Gee, our resident stylist and proprietor of Mr. Dick Gee's Hair and Now, located off the lobby.  Tickets to these surprise pop-up events can be purchased by interested onlookers at the front desk 30 minutes prior to each "home invasion" with all ticket-holding participant-voyeurs being asked to play the part of "angry villagers"

431. Shutter Bug Camera Shop Winter Heating Repairs

Shutter Bug Camera Shop at Loveless Motel, located off the lobby, is welcoming an influx of customers using its photo suites this winter, and reminds clients to come dressed for the weather while its heating unit is being repaired. We can still catch those intimate moments with friends, even with their socks and hats on. Call and reserve a photo suite today!