453. William Urquhart Bonus - 1st Laird of Loveless

 

Will, the  recently hired manager of Hard Tack General Store and mentor of the work-release program at Loveless Motel was asked by one of his recent charges what the U stood for.  He recounted a lengthy story to the intrigued questioner regarding his maternal ancestors who trace their roots back to Urquhart Castle on Loch Ness in Scotland, explaining that those who claim great familiarity with the men of the line can attest to what is really meant by the "Loch Ness Monster". Will chortled while his startled inquisitor's gaze moved involuntarily downward.

  

Will U. Bonus (after William the Rough, a 13th century occupant of the castle) claims he has a collection of kilts that he'll probably start wearing in the shop once the summer humidity starts to take hold. On his days off in town, or for his visits to the Hit and Split, or when walking through the lobby he'll need to wear something; otherwise his free time will most likely be spent blending in with guests in and around the Bunkhouse and The Tubs, since fewer clothing is required and fraternization is encouraged by the management.  He's a nudist a heart and wears the bare minimum when he must, and nothing at all whenever the surroundings or temperature cooperate. 

As men with personal monsters are apt to tell you, his has a pet name - "The Laird of Loveless", bestowed upon him by his new associates. And when in his cups, he's known to speak in a deep and affected low brogue whenever it's called to meet the moment. With his head tossed back and sweat on his brow, every mentee under his considerable spell has heard him say, "Ah, that's it, right there, Jamie my Boy with the wee tight hole. The Laird is comin' in. Right there."

443. Nationwide Manhunt Successful - new House Dick hired

Loveless Motel is happy to announce that we have filled our House Detective position. Harrison Biggerstaff (just Harry to you) checked all the right boxes on his application and will enhance our compliance team greatly. "Drilling down to the core of the matter, I always get my man" said Harry in his interview.  Just so you know, he's unspoken for, and in his free time, collects antique porcelain, loves sports, and calls himself "a bit of a fashion whore".   He's eager to get to work by going undercover to catch that jockstrap thief for starters. The head of our personnel department vouches for Harry's skills. "He knows how to get to the root of the matter."

442. Narcissus Blatz

A frequent guest in Room 222, the "Beer Heir" Narcissus Blatz stays with us whenever daddy threatens to take him out of the will. We can't quite say that "Narc", as he is known to his Loveless Motel chums, isn't the one who needles dear old dad by having his picture taken by good old "Snap" Wadmacher from Shutter Bug Camera Shop, because he is.  He bundles up a packet of pictures to send back to Milwaukee whenever he stays with us directly, to Daddy Blatz at his brewery office, knowing all his mail is previewed by the supervisor of the mail room.  An officious fussbudget named Milburne Milquetoast, the glorified stamp-licker is known to collect porcelain teacups issued for the coronations of British Monarchs.  Purportedly, according to Narc, Milburne's favorite photos are ones in which Blatz the younger compares his dick size to a bottle, can or rolling pin - anything that's handy.  Dad is jealous - mainly because Narc is fond of Dad's brother, his uncle, who like our picture-boy here is equally well hung and thick, and on more than speaking terms with his nephew. So, it would appear, is Milburne, who spends a lot of time running off to "have a cup of tea" with said uncle.

412. Mr. Dick Blunt's collection of antique dildos

Mr. Dick Blunt, proprietor of Blunt Smoke Shop and Lottery Tickets, tells us he has been a collector of antique erotica, and particularly dildos, for several years.  Ironically, despite his admirable personal attributes, it turns out that he enjoys stimulation of many kinds, and seeks out those men who can match him on a physical as well as an intellectual basis. He's happy to discuss and share is rare collection with discerning gentlemen in his private quarters  at Aluminum City.  After a few beers, a demonstration of the effective utility of some of his favorites is not out of the question.

389. Lobby Christmas Tree becomes Popular Photo Op

After the debacle of the drunken Christmas Card scandal, it seems the word has gotten out at Loveless Motel, and guests are requesting pictures of themselves posing in front of the tree in the lobby. Photo sessions are allowed only  between the hours of 3 AM and 5 AM when the exterior lobby doors are locked.  "Snap" Wadmacher, ace inhouse photographer at Shutterbug Camera Shop says his index finger is sore from all the extra action it's been seeing lately.  Here's and example of the result: Calvin is currently staying in room 222 and has offered to provide "Snap" with something else to do with his finger.

383. Eager Winter Interns have arrived!

The winter class of interns has arrived at Loveless Motel and is now training for 2 weeks in the Grab Basket Conference Room, located off the lobby.  Our instructor's a hands on guy who will take a personal interest in the progress of each of these men who are eager to learn the ins and outs of the hospitality industry.

378. Suit Up Sale just in time for Sweater Weather

Mr. Billy Swallows and his assistant Dante' DeWitt have told us they have a new shipment of sweaters for the cool weather.  Suit Up, the mens' atelier at Loveless Motel, is located off the lobby.   This graphic example should prove to be one of the season's most popular.

325. Blondes DO have more fun at Loveless Motel

 Proving the Clairol commercials are true, these blonde city boys have chucked their high-rise offices in favor of their low rise speedos and rented a camera from Shutter Bug Camera Shop to document their weekend, where they can get their collection developed in less than two hours. So can you, at Loveless Motel!

281. Intern Appreciation Day - One on one with Senior Manager Nic

One of our senior managers, Nic, loves to mentor our interns, and each year selects one or two fellows who have exceeded expectations and risen above the crowd.  Nic rewards his chosen few with a special one on one private conversation behind closed doors, in which no holds are barred in terms of subject matter. Your special session includes a photographer to record the happy event provided by our in-house pool from Shutter Bug Camera Shop. Just about anything is likely to come up. Former interns spread the word amongst the new guys; if you get a call from Nic, you've got it coming.

273. Couldn't sit down for a week

 Psycho Randy the desk clerk has finally reported in, and said that during one of the rope demonstrations he was handed a cocktail, and the next thing he knew, he awakened in his staff bedroom with his ankles and wrists with red marks around them, when a tall black guy walked in from the living room totally naked and asked if ne needed any additional plumbing services, and laughed.  Randy thought about it for a couple seconds, and decided he could wear a long sleeve shirt to work, and didn't mind standing through his shift.

259. Officer Dick confronts an errant guest just in time

 At Loveless Motel, our security staff, headed up by Officer Dick, who in his off duty hours watches over our property and guests with a staff of dedicated hands-on assistants, recently caught a local man trying to hot-wire a lodger's car in the parking lot over at Aluminum City.  He was able to provide the gentleman with a demonstration of just what happens to those who are incarcerated for felonious actions involving auto theft.  We can't confirm that the perp thought it was much of a deterrent, however. Guests of our adjacent trailer lot, Aluminum City, receive all the benefits and the immense talent of our watchful security staff, day and night, all year long.

257. How's your weekend sizing up?

As the prospect of another boring weekend at home looms in your immediate future, the solution is staring you directly in the face.  Hop in your jalopy and head over to Loveless Motel, where you'll find loads of fun and come within inches of tasting fulfillment.  Call our booking office now!

240. Aluminum City Video/Trailer Package

At Aluminum City, we've converted one of the larger trailers into a studio which can be rented by the hour for a minimum of 4 hours for a special video/trailer package.  Camera equipment, including 8mm, and video cassettes can be purchased or rented at Shutter Bug Camera Shop at Loveless Motel, located off the lobby, to capture your private party, and special rates include a trailer setup to your themed specifications.  These brothers asked us to supply gym equipment , a fluffer and a cameraman for a memory video of their special meeting.  And may we say, the illustrated exactly what is meant by "Black is Beautiful".

 

232. Dick Blunt - Tobacconist Extraordinaire

Mr. Dick Blunt, owner of Blunt Smoke Shop and Lottery Tickets, located off the lobby at Loveless Motel, when asked recently, says he doesn't smoke because, and we quote, "That shit'll kill ya!" He says he offers free back-room therapy to those wishing to quit smoking by helping them ween themselves off the addiction of nicotine by providing a similar feeling of having a thick, hot object in one's mouth. He claims a success rate of a whopping 10 percent, which he says doesn't  seem like a lot, but he gets a certain amount of personal satisfaction in the attempt, nevertheless.

 

208. Hey, Coach!

 

Summer activities are heating up at Loveless Motel.  We've retained the services of one of our frequent guests for this season, Coach Luke Atma Peterson, and he's ready to teach you a thing or two, We understand he's just as good at twirling balls off the court, as he is on the court. His goal is to loosen you up and stretch your holistic horizons.

204. Farmer's tan

 This man has come to Loveless Motel  from one of our midwestern states, where he works on a farm, driving a tractor under a hot Kansas sun.  It's good to be out of those levis and give the rest of him the exposure it deserves.  Take the fork to the left, just past the parking lot next to the Bunkhouse.

201. We're not just talkin trees...

The woods are the place...and Loveless Motel has 'em. Ken has wood too, and plenty.
 

198. We can fit you in ....

There are so many impressive candidates lately, the Management at Loveless Motel has been stretching to fit some candidates in.  But our professional team always finds a way for the right candidate.

196. Job Applicant

Loveless Motel even has a casting couch!  Here, a lucky applicant awaits discussing his skills with the boss.

 

186. Local man makes good

One of our local men (a townie) has been hired by Shutter Bug Camera Shop at Loveless Motel. More frequently seen at Loveless Motel as one of the men on the garbage truck, one of our guests mentioned that we should look into hiring him on, after a chance encounter with him near the dumpster behind the Bunkhouse. "I'd have paid good money for that, but got it for free!" exclaimed the guest. The new man has a winning smile and a few other attributes that he'd love to show you in your next private in-room photo shoot. No longer a garbageman, he is now elevated to premium trash. Ask about rates for Frank.