548. Technicolor Dreamtime with Callum Z. Blabber

Callum Z. Blabber has had some time off this week, from the daily grind of updating former and current guests of Loveless Motel, or luring new ones. Far from getting away as originally planned, he's found himself stuck in his Aluminum City quarters, going through old boxes of shit he should have tossed years ago, cleaning cat boxes in "the cat room", and otherwise busying himself while his money sits unspent in his surprisingly healthy trust fund. His guilty pleasure, pursuit of a latent career in cabaret as a one man band has been on hold but he's even carved out a few hours of time to practice, despite the complaints of his nearby neighbors who complain that the thin tin can walls of a trailer seem to amplify the sound.  He's shrugged off the complaints and invited a few of the biggest complainers in for drinks and mini-concerts, and things have calmed down. His medley of Piaf tunes is particularly popular - he brings some of his pals to tears with his version of Non, je ne regrette rien, but they liven back up when he transitions to L'Accordeoniste.  Some of the guys are Certified Hustlers - it's like being in home territory. Since he can't sing and play the harmonica simultaneously, he hands out lyric sheets.  It's a fucking party!

 Of late, he's taken a few cat naps, something he looks forward to on a daily basis, because he's been having a series of wild dreams in vivid color. Not an imbiber of some of the drugs that float around the social hangouts around the resort, he's not quite sure what the source of the dreams are; there seem to be no familiar faces, and definitely no situations - just outrageous situations far out of reach of even some of the creations of Snap Wadmacher at Shutter Bug Camera Shop, but he's not too worried.  

Maybe he'll be able to use some of what he can remember as Loveless Tourist Rag fodder the next time he has to come up with a marketing campaign.  Time for another nap.

HEY CAL! WAKE UP BUDDY!  WE'RE CLOSING FOR AN HOUR SO THE SPOOGE PATROL CAN COME IN AND HOSE THE PLACE OUT!

Begrudgingly he snaps out of his dream, looks around and sees empty chairs around him, and the houselights up at the little movie theater at After Midnight Arcade.  "How long have I been sitting here?" "Buddy, you've been sitting here asleep for 8 hours,6 showings of this flick, your dick is hanging out and you're startin' to smell a little...better get a move on. See ya around.  Can't wait to read your story about this one, Cal!"

The accordionist

The prostitute is beautiful (lit. Girl of pleasure)

Over there on the corner

She has a client

Who fills her stockings up (pays)

When her job is done

She goes on her way

Looking for a bit of dreams

At a dancehall in the suburbs

Her man is an artist

He's a strange, little guy

An accordionist

Who knows how to play the java (a dance)

 

She hears the java

But she doesn't dance

She doesn't even look at the dancefloor

And her loving eyes

Follow the vigorous playing

And the wiry, long fingers of the artist

It gets under her skin

From the bottom, from the top

She has the urge to sing, it's physical

All of her being is tensed

Her breath is held

it's a work of art shaped by the music

The prostitute is sad

Over there on the corner

Her accordionist

Left to be a soldier

When he comes back from war

They will have a house

She will be the cashier

And he will be the boss

How beautiful life will be

They'll be true big-shots

And every night for her

He'll play the java

 

She hears the java

That she hums softly

She looks again at her accordionist

And her loving eyes

Follow the vigorous playing

And the wiry, long fingers of the artist

It gets under her skin

From the bottom, from the top

She has the urge to cry, it's physical

All of her being is tensed

Her breath is held

It's a work of art shaped by the music

 

The prostitute is alone

Over there on the corner

The girls who are sulking

The men don't want

And too bad if she dies

Her man is never coming back

Farewell to all of those beautiful dreams

Her life is fucked

Nevertheless her tired legs

Take her to the dive (dancehall)

Where there's another artist

Who plays all night long....

 

She hears the java

She listens to the java...

She closes her eyes...

Those wiry, vigorous fingers

It gets under her skin

From the bottom, from the top

She has the urge to yell out, it's physical

And so to forget

She begins to dance, to turn

To the sound of the music...

 

STOP!

Stop the music...

531. Experience is the best teacher

Certified Hustlers need to be kept in line - there's nothing worse than anarchy among call-boys, and from its inception, the program has had at its head one of the most respected  in the trade industry, Loveless Motel's seasoned Escort Coordinator Hank O'Hare. Often the mediator in some of the petty disputes between our self-employed joysticks, he's great at fingering an instigator and putting him on notice.  On occasion he has had to demand the return of a Certified Hustler shingle and certificate, an almost ceremonial event in which the perpetrator is marched into the office and presented with his picture and stats page which Hank has just dramatically ripped out of the "Big Book" used by guests to place an order. 

 "They don't come any better than Hank, " says his long time fuck buddy, Danny Kutwan.  The two men are infrequently seen together, making sure that Danny's availability is never in doubt, but on occasion, when warranted, Hank has stepped in if a guest has requested a role play routine that involves the client walking in on a Dad/Son Uncle/Nephew situation and being invited to join or watch. The two excel at that. Hank is always the in-charge guy, and they've perfected a scene where there's a detailed discussion about the benefits of masturbation, with Hank demonstrating, inviting Danny to unzip him, pull it out and feel his swelling cock, while reaching over to see if Danny is getting the idea.  In this exhibition, which they've played out before a gawker several times, Danny eventually gets rimmed and finger fucked, which always seems to get their observer off, without either Hank or Danny having to touch him.  The requisite "Oh Daddy" grunts and groans are usually forthcoming.

 On rare occasions, they've fucked, but that's extra.  There's a list.  One guy got so excited when they showed him the list of stuff they'd do, with prices, in the middle of the whole scene, that he came just looking at it, which made for an early work night with time for a late supper at Birdwhistle's Tearoom or an all-nighter at After Midnight Arcade

Their relationship is a balancing act. With the rest of the group, he can never be seen to have favorites beyond his relationship with Danny, because every Certified Hustler is a volunteer, beholden to no one, and free to move on at any time. Hank's good at keeping most everyone happy, and he definitely does that for Danny, in or out of his clothes.

522. Rock Blockhead's Construction crew demolishes Laundry Room wall

 

Rock Blockhead, Construction Projects Manager of Loveless Motel, after his successful leadership of the buildout of Nutbush Campground, takes a last opportunity to conduct the pre-demolition meeting of the wall between the 8 Ball Bar and the Laundry Room, to prepare the combined space of the Dirty Pool Bar, which will include the pool table, bar and laundry machines. Rock says he spent many happy evenings shooting on this very table. Known for his casual style, his crews are eager work under him once again.

"You'll have to remove all this shelving in the laundry room as well," Rock instructs the crew, pointing to the floor, "and rip up this old tile afterwards.  But be careful that you don't damage any of the laundry machines.  We'll be moving those to storage over at the Motor Pool until we build out the new space, so we can knock out this wall"

Rock works just as hard as any man on the crew - he likes to set a good example. A day's hard work has its rewards - the crew likes to yank his chain, and they frequently pull practical jokes on him, but he's a pretty good sport, as long as the work gets done on time. He's known for loyalty to his crew, and he's no stranger to an occasional pull and yank with a favorite after the shift. He says there's plenty of him to go around, and everybody eventually gets time with the boss. He likes to be efficient, so no hardhat is ever surprised when the boss starts blurting a crewman's annual review at the same time he's getting his hole spackled with Rock's big trowel.

520. Staff Member - Publicist and Communications Manager Callum Z. Blabber

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445. All you ever wanted to know about Psycho Randy

 

Randy Ramsbottom, aka "Psycho Randy" the daytime desk clerk with the disarming smile here at Loveless Motel, is responsible for first impressions whenever a new guest arrives.  He's been with us for several years, first as a lodger, like so many who are currently employed here, and when an opening became available, Randy was first in line, and hired on the spot during the interview. As his first task he was asked to go out into the lobby and dismiss the other applicants, at which point the smile was more aggravating to its intended targets than disarming.

What was it that cinched the interview? Randy didn't know then but now knows; we know all about him. Always identifying himself as simple farm boy whenever he stayed, and indeed, indicating an agricultural background on his application, a member of the management team recalled seeing his picture on a poster. It seems "Randy" (whose real name is John Penn Juniper)  is a former teller at a bank in another state who is wanted for embezzlement to the tune of $3,346.68 - nearly the exact amount of money he spent with us as a frequent guest over 10 years, minus bus fare to get here. The statue of limitations has a few years to go, and he was floored when we produced the poster. He works for room and board, and shares a unit over in Aluminum City with similarly employed gentlemen. 

424. Will U. Bonus joins Loveless Motel Staff

 

A frequent guest of Loveless Motel for many years, Mr. Will U. Bonus has agreed to enter into a contractual arrangement with the firm as Manager of Hard Tack General Store, the second hand cowboy and leather boutique adjacent to the Bunkhouse. In his capacity as manager of that facility, he'll also take on the task of wrangling the work-release program, mentoring men who have been contingently released from the Hoosegow in order to repay their debt to Loveless Motel. Will's credentials include nearly making it through Wharton's School of the University of Pennsylvania, and having been the accountant of a moderately sized used furniture store which released him from its staff due to an unjustified accusation of mishandling estate sales, in particular those of elderly widowed men with sizable endowments (in the bank). "I just love the get and give of mentorship," says Will, after a week on the job. The Management of Loveless Motel congratulates Mr. Bonus on his appointment.

402. Popular pulp novelist conducting research

 Some of you may remember our pool boy, Martin Cox is actually well-known pulp fiction writer Hardy Rider, also known for his other attributes/ Now that the summer is over and the pool is closed for the season (with the exception of the festive flotilla now on display throughout the holiday season), our local bard has time to conduct research for his upcoming project, as yet untitled, but his promise of a turgid encounter or two, followed by true love, embezzlement, murder, and workplace drama, murder, or some such device, to get a rise out of his reading public. Look for a new title and book signing right here at Loveless Motel sometime in the spring.  Not that the book takes that long to write, but appointments for research volunteers are heavy, and Hardy says research is already draining. Our intramural coach, Luke Atma Peterson, has offered to help lighten the load by conducting interviews as a result of any overflow.

400. Maintenance crew repairing grotto leak at The Tubs

The waterfall at the Tubs in the basement of The Bunkhouse has been temporarily shut off for a couple days to repair a leak in the grotto pool.  Contractors have quickly assessed the damage and workers are taking as few breaks as possible to insure the feature is restored to full working capacity in time for the influx of guests expected in the last 2 weeks of the year.  Only the most necessary activities of the crew are being sanctioned by the management.  When Nic, Loveless Motel Senior manager called the contractor's office and told the secretary "We've gotta leak in our basement",  she replied, "Go ahead, sir - it's your basement!"  She's been replaced by a promising young intern sent over my Nic.

396. Tickler's Lounge Entertainer Mishap and Resolution

In an odd twist of fate, Paul, the blind piano player who plays nearly every night at Tickler's Lounge, the piano bar located off the lobby at Loveless Motel, has been sidelined for a week. A certified hustler with a questionable sense of humor who was visiting his room told heavily inebriated Paul that a waffle iron was in fact a hand warmer, and consequently our musician has square burn marks on the palm and several fingers of his right hand.  

As luck would have it, Paul's pal Lee has just begun a two week vacation in 3 bedroom luxury trailer at Aluminum City, and has offered to step in for a few days while Paul recuperates. Some may recognize Lee, who has a reputation among a lucky few for having beefy thighs that could crack walnuts,  but we ask patrons to respect the privacy of our guests who are generally here incognito to experience some of the resort's more earthly delights

385. Staff Members at Loveless Motel

 

Nic - Senior Operations Manager

Taylor from Dallas - Junior Manager 

 Rock Blockhead - Construction Projects and Property Manager 

 Harry Biggerstaff - House Detective 

 Biff Wellington - Head Chef at Birdwhistle's Tearoom

 Psycho Randy - Desk clerk on the day shift

Dr. John Long - retained seasonally as a medical doctor

 
Officer Dick - inhouse security and law enforcement professional

 Sherriff Buck N. McBuff - custodian of The Hoosegow

       

 Uncle Joe - Intern training facilitator and chief corporal disciplinarian

 Jack Leyendecker - Intern recruiter and summer talent scout

 Luke Atma Peterson - Intramural Sports Coach

 Stretch N. Spreadham - yoga instructor

 Mr. Billy Swallows - Manager of Suit Up

 Dante' DeWitt - Assistant manager of Suit Up

 Hardly N. Uphatal - Suit Up salesman

Will U. Bonus - Manager of Hard Tack General Store

 Mr. Dick Gee - contracted operator of Hair and Now Salon

 "Snap" Wadmacher - roving photographer 

 Frank - Model for hire at Shutter Bug Camera Shop

 Paul - the blind piano player at Tickler's Lounge

"Bang" Bengtsson - maintenance man

Roger - Jack of all trades

 

Buster - Room service waiter

 

Dick Blunt - tobacconist at Blunt Smoke Shop and Lottery Tickets

 Martin Cox - pool boy, aka pulp novel writer Hardy Rider