527. Monday Morning Breakfast Roundup

Monday morning is the first day of some of our guests' stay at Loveless Motel, and restaurants from Birdwhistle's Tearoom to the Loveless Truckstop Cafe' are always busy breakfast crossroads of those checking in and checking out.  Some like it over easy and some over hard; for others, somewhere in the middle is just fine.  

 

Over at the campground, some of the backpackers in lean-tos like this happy camper travel light and trap their breakfasts, or rely on local small game.  In the rush of some of our outdoor enthusiasts to get home, the campground cleared out pretty quickly, especially some of those Volkswagen campers, leaving a slaughterhouse of roadkill in their dust (fair game for breakfast), including 3 squirrels, a possum, a duck and a cat.  We're not asking this guy what the catch was.

This domestic pair from the Bahamas, booked into a deluxe kitchen suite at Loveless Motel will undoubtedly whip up something delicious, but one thing is certain - sausage and black pudding is on the menu. We hear that's a British Colonial thing. "Full English", please! We could easily survive for the week on this diet, without a thing in the fridge. These guys are here to inquire about the Certified Hustler program, and are looking for a few new friends to provide references. They're also looking for a friendly "port of entry" border agent who might provide a work visa in consideration for services rendered. Speaking of men in the middle, is "Spit-roasted Immigration Official" a breakfast item?

482. Beware! J. Caesar and I. Da'Marche' - Accountants

Beware! It's that time of year again - dreaded income tax day is just a couple days away for small businesses, and Nic, the senior Manager of Loveless Motel has been directed by the tax accounting firm of Caesar and Da'Marche', Jule and Ignatz, (their best friends endearingly call them "Julia" and "Ida") to finalize and send forms to the IRS for the business's past year. March 15 in the private dining room at Birdwhistle's Tearoom is this year's luncheon to celebrate the work the three men have put into the job.  More than anything, as in years past,  attention will be paid to cocktails and food a good deal greater than money talk. 

On a personal level, Ignatz is an accomplished accordionist.  The two men met some years back at Ticklers, the piano bar at Loveless Motel, when  Ignatz was substituting for Paul, the blind piano player.  Jule, who loves opera, asked Ignatz if he knew the snappy male bonding tune, "Ah, Mes Amis" from The Daughter of the Regiment. That night, history was made in the bar, as Jule nearly pulled off the high C's required of the tune, drunk as he was, though Ignatz was asked never to come back, as the noise drove away half the clientele.  But the two men hit it off as Jule was able to demonstrate his ability to play the skin flute, apparently hitting the correct notes, as they have been pulling it off ever since.  They are shown here at their home in town, where they repeat the Donizetti performance annually for the locals, while warning them to stay off the lawn.

481. Ten Commandments Club Initiation - results are in

 

Birdwhistle Tearoom management has been informed that one of the waiters complained his tip had been stolen from a table that had not yet been bussed, by an unknown perpetrator who dined in the restaurant Saturday night.  A typically busy night forced him to get to the table late, after after he had seen a large wad of cash being put on the tray after the bill had been paid, when while leaving, the table host thanked and congratulated him on his perfect presentation of a flaming baked Alaska. Several groups were seated in close proximity to the table. It might have been anyone from those surrounding tables, all seemingly animated and having a good time with little care about their surroundings except for the usual titter and din of evaluations of any one group of men by all the others, which is the necessary ritual assessment  of potential tricks for the evening. All gay men have these discussions with their pals. "What about that one?" "Nice face, but did you see that horrible manicure when he lifted his glass? I bet his toenails are dirty", etc., etc. Then the snappy comeback: "It's not his toes I'll be be sucking."

This night, the assembled members of the Ten Commandments Club, dining together with their applicant, took note of the anguish of the waiter whose tip their tablemate had just nicked. One of their number suggested to the thief that he should approach the waiter, offer his condolences, and invite him back to their elegantly appointed rented clubhouse in Aluminum City. The plan all went pretty successfully. Members are all smooth talkers, appear above suspicion, and are all devastatingly good looking.  Who in his right mind would say no to such an invitation?  He's lucky this wasn't a 6th commandment night. And The Ten Commandments Club has its newest member, who, now richer by fifty dollars, stood in line to screw the waiter once again.

466. Ride with Loveless - an excursion into town

Despite the groundhog saying otherwise, and his consequent fate as "Oxtail Soup" on the menu of Birdwhistle's Tearoom, the weather is nice enough this weekend to offer a Sunday excursion to interested men who might want to do some shopping and sightseeing in town.  Less than an hour away, you'll be transported from the bucolic charms of Loveless Motel and its surroundings to the very place you might have wanted to escape in the first place.  Based on past trips, we promise at the very least, some cheap entertainment.  Don't however, stay too long at the ball, as our bus will leave promptly from the drop-off location at precisely 8PM and a hotel room and cab ride back will cost you more than your weeklong stay with us.  We provide here a few pictures of our last Sunday excursion, including the bus driver, some townies, roadside attractions, a few of the fellows who attended, and the bus you wish you were on but won't be.  We recommend bringing along enough cash at a minimum for a late lunch and bail.

458. Nutbush Camp Ground Salad Days

 

At the request of the chef at Birdwhistle's Tearoom, off-duty Officer Dick and his stalwart buddy Officer Rod have headed over to the nearly ready for occupancy Nutbush Camp Ground on an herb gathering expedition. Chef "Biff" Wellington prides himself on using local ingredients to make tasty fare which Loveless Motel gourmands say has an inexplicably narcotic effect. Trained as a US Marine cook in combat zones necessitating quick preparation and rapid relocation, Biff has a pragmatic philosophy in cooking and in life. Asked recently about the secret to his delicious Oxtail Soup, Chef Biff leaned over the counter, and with a confidential wink said, "Look, between you and me, not much, man. I just use whatever's available. You haven't seen any oxen around here lately, have you? This week, the Oxtail Soup is groundhog. Next week? Who knows! Git 'er done! Ooha! Semper Fi!"

397. Weren't you at Birdwhistle's Tearoom last night?

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47. Monday, Monday...

 Mondays at Loveless Motel are not really Mondays - you're on vacation!  Sleep in, come on over to Birdwhistle's Tearoom for some tube sausage and eggs, and after breakfast, return to your refreshed room and get fucked!