Game show host Garry Moore leans toward the man at his desk, his hand cupped over his ear, and says in the direction of the TV camera, "Dr. Long, what is your secret?" Just as he does so, the black and white image starts to tumble, and Nic, Loveless Motel's senior manager, gets up off the couch in his private quarters to adjust the vertical hold. "What a coincidence, gentlemen - I wonder if that Dr. Long is a jockstrap thief too?" Giving up, he turns the set off. "I guess we'll never know. So what do you think about all this, John?"
"So I'm a klepto! But I'm also a good doctor. - just ask Harry!" Harry nods in assent and says the doc has a way with using a rectal thermometer, and prescribing aspirin for just about everything including headaches, the runs, and mood swings. "I don't know whether the aspirin works 100 percent of the time, but he sure sells a shitload of pills in that little tin can dispensary" say Harry.
"So here's what I propose. We tell no-one about this", Nic says. "I know a guy who can sell this mail order - once a month, Dr. Longjohn, you box up whatever you're finished sniffing and send it to my pal - he get's his cut, you get yours, and I get 50 percent of what he sends you. You stay employed and out of jail, and we continue to have our guests sign a waiver saying we're not responsible for lost articles, and direct them to Packaged Goods! to buy new jockstraps with a 10 percent off coupon. Everybody wins. That is, except you, Harry. This thing has fallen into your lap, so it's not like you solved some big shit. As far as everybody knows, this is a cold case, and you still need to prove yourself. Now lets play that game of poker. Get Psycho Randy in here...."
No comments:
Post a Comment