416. Shit that will get you landed in The Hoosegow

As a reminder:

Guests who run afoul of the rules at Loveless Motel will have an opportunity to think about what they've done at The Hoosegow, located at the Bunkhouse. Shit like the following, but not limited to this list, is guaranteed to fuck up your vacation. Remember, there's a sign above the door that reads "Fuck Around and Find Out"

1. Talking to a lifeguard while on duty

2. Stealing from the business or from a guest

3. Creating a safety hazard, such as loitering around the Laundry Room entrance 

4. Hustling without a "Certified Hustler" certificate

 5. Being nude in a non-nude area

 

415. Stolen Wallet leads to a fun game - "Revenge"

Last night at the Silver Bullet Bar, located in a wooded area at Loveless Motel, our hairy bleach blonde stud picked up a guest who was staying over at Aluminum City for a house party. Things got sloppy drunk and our blonde friend saw an opportunity to lift his trick's wallet.  To make a long story short, he was seen by one of the more sober houseguests who, in the morning as blondie slept, explained the situation to the group. Miss Clairol thought everything was going smoothly when he woke up, and was all in when someone suggested a game of Blind Man's Buff in one of the fields, despite the cold weather, and our good natured light-fingered lad says he'll be the first to put on the bandana.  Then, blind as he was, he heard one of the bunch say "Okay bud. The real name of this game is "find your fucking car keys in the woods" ".  He heard a set of keys being rattled, laughter, and from a distance, "and I've got my wallet back. Good luck finding your keys, ya stoopid naked bastard"

There's an office pool on how long it will take him to find those keys in that field, and a berth in the Hoosegow has his name on it.

414. Yesteryear's Queers' Word of the Day #46- Margo Polo

Margo Polo

Camp designation 

for any Italian

gay man

-1960s-

"I'll just never understand why that Margo Polo is a bottom.  

What a waste of 8 inches of Italian sausage!"

413. Footlight Fairies Cabaret NYE Dance Rehearsals

New Years Eve promises to be an event long remembered this year at Footlight Fairies Cabaret, located off the lobby at Loveless Motel. Chorus boys in rehearsal are working hard, perfecting challenging moves such as full splits, often requiring the assistance of more than one man for those dancers who've not been limbered up in a while. Plunging to the floor suddenly from a full standing position onto an unyielding, rock hard surface can really separate the novice from the professional, and practice is key to being able to give a tightly choreographed exhibition, stretching the limits of even the most accomplished performer.

412. Mr. Dick Blunt's collection of antique dildos

Mr. Dick Blunt, proprietor of Blunt Smoke Shop and Lottery Tickets, tells us he has been a collector of antique erotica, and particularly dildos, for several years.  Ironically, despite his admirable personal attributes, it turns out that he enjoys stimulation of many kinds, and seeks out those men who can match him on a physical as well as an intellectual basis. He's happy to discuss and share is rare collection with discerning gentlemen in his private quarters  at Aluminum City.  After a few beers, a demonstration of the effective utility of some of his favorites is not out of the question.

411. Talking Dirty is my Second Most Favorite Anonymous Thing to Do

At Loveless Motel, the guy you eyed across the dancefloor last night is describing in detail how his morning is going. The party-line is hopping this morning, and there are even a few familiar voices. Nic, a senior manager, is also in on the fun. If your verbal skills are a bit rusty, or you're a bit of a novice, you can take Nic's class, held on any rainy Tuesday in the Grab-Basket Conference Room, entitled "Talking Dirty is My Second Most Favorite Anonymous Thing To Do"

410. At the Tubs - New Skates for Christmas!

Our doorman and chief towel attendant at The Tubs in the basement of the Bunkhouse at Loveless Motel reports that several men have checked in wearing roller skates, and according to some, they received them as gifts for Christmas. The trend has apparently caught on after guests witnessing waiters at Loveless Truck Stop who wear them as an efficiency measure. The management is keeping a watchful eye on the situation, and effective immediately, all guests of The Tubs in skates or not must sign a safety waiver, holding harmless Loveless Motel, its management and staff, in the event of any mishap has a result of being rolled.

409. Ticklers Lounge future is set

Since Paul's unfortunate debilitating accident trying to warm his hand with a waffle iron, Ticklers Lounge will see a succession of fill-in performers, now that word is out in the trade.  Our serendipitous engagement of Polish-heritage claimant, Paul's famous pal Lee, who was vacationing at Aluminum City, has come to an end. But it appears he has graciously provided a long list of fellow ivory ticklers he's met over the years who, as he put it, will fit right in here at Loveless Motel.  Ticklers Lounge is always a popular destination for New Year's Eve, and for this round of bookings, our entertainment director has indicated his criterion for offering a gig well into the new year is as just as much for looks as it is for musical ability, and based on Lee's recommendations, it appears both will be satisfied. Ironically, Paul was blind and could just as well have sat at the piano bench with a bag over his head. 

408. A box of assorted Christmas Cards from Loveless Motel

Head over to Hit and Split for this year's edition of Loveless Motel Christmas Cards - a box of 25 is only $1.50!  We recommend sending them to the friends of those you are crossing off your list this year due to some minor personal infraction, and signing each one "XOXO - Guess Who!"

407. Sunday Morning TV at The Tubs - Test Patterns and Miracles

 

It seems on Sunday Mornings at The Tubs in the basement of the Bunkhouse at Loveless Motel, all the Sugar Plum Fairies are snoozing from a night of canasta, debauchery and dissipation.  The only thing on TV this time of morning is a test pattern..then it's a choice between bowling, or a little orange chiffon and The Lord. But there's always a small group of devotees.      

406. Hit and Split has your Christmas balls

In a special arrangement through Shutter Bug Camera Shop, Loveless Motel Hit and Split convenience store, located off the lobby, now has a limited number of Christmas Balls featuring photos of some of your favorite Certified Hustlers. See Psycho Randy at the front desk if you would like to book a time to admire a real set of balls of one of our many Certified Hustlers.

405. Tobacconist Dick Blunt's question - is this the year?

While you're holed up for the holidays here at Loveless Motel, tobacconist Dick Blunt has a question for you. Is 1969 the year you stop smoking for good?  Stop by Blunt Smoke Shop and Lottery Tickets for a frank discussion of trading your bad smoking habit for one of casual gambling.  Dick's got a blunt with your name on it, located off the lobby. Special discounts for Certified Hustlers!

404. The old trunk in the attic - Anti-freeze Loveless style

The old trunk in the attic over at the Bunkhouse at Loveless Motel never disappoints.  This must have been a favorite of Loveless Lodge founders and owners Edgar Loveless and Sinjin Birdwhistle.  Anti-freeze must have meant something entirely different in the 1920s. "It's going to be a cold cold winter, but I'll never freeze when you're around"

403. More Bunkhouse woes and rewards

It just goes to show you - If it's not one thing, it's another. If something can go wrong, it will go wrong. When it rains it pours. As soon as the leak in the grotto pool at The Tubs was fixed, the water heater on the second floor of the Bunkhouse at Loveless Motel exploded, flooding part of the kitchen at Malamute Saloon. Crews are feverishly working to have things ready to go for New Year's Eve, working 24 hours, round the clock. It's been noticed that some of the workers are a little older, and on the evening shift they are liable to take more breaks, and the construction crew foreman believes in rewarding the men for their hard work. It just goes to show you - If you suck it, they will cum.