518. Welcome to Reluctant Gardens

Spring is here, and gardening with it at Loveless Motel.  Green thumb goobers are legion all across the property from the planters in front of the cafe at Loveless Truck Stop, to the bushes and trails in and around the Silver Bullet bar and over at Aluminum City.  First time in a sun bonnet? Not to worry, the boots really butch it up.  Even in front of the rhododendrons, you are matchless holding a rake.  Do you wash windows? Wash that "somebody made me do this" look off your face...

509. Uncle Joe's First Clue

 

Jack Leyendecker, talent scout for Loveless Motel's intern program, made a trip to Tuba City, Arizona on a tip he received from an old friend that there was a cluster of young men there who showed promise and he might be able to fill half his quota in one stop. These fellows were all enrolled at the local community college voc/tech school, all had been members of the same basket ball team in high school, and continued their gamesmanship in weekend get togethers at a local  desert ranch under the guiding hand of the auto mechanic instructor there.  The end of the term and their training completed, Jack conducted interviews and convinced eight of them to come to Loveless Motel as interns, with the opportunity to have practical experience in the Motor Pool, and learn a bit about the hospitality industry, to boot.

Naturally the men congregated together, and even stayed in one small dorm in the Bunkhouse where they interacted with some of the guests, attended classes, but kept largely to themselves.  Talk soon began among the other members of the class that the Arizona lads had some interesting, nay, weird fucking notions.  Uncle Joe, Loveless Motel's chief classroom facilitator and disciplinarian, had encountered them hunched around a beach ball one afternoon during a class break, and learned they had never seen one before except in Annette Funicello movies, since they'd all grown up in the desert. Seemingly amazed by the sight of it, they rolled, poked and prodded the ball around the pool deck, and Joe opened the conversation with them as he approached the group by saying "Have you ever seen the movie "The Dictator", where Hitler bounces a beach ball Earth off his ass?"  

And from out of nowhere, one of the beach ball gazers says "The Earth ain't round - it's flat".  The other guys laughed, and one chimed in "He's a nut job, don't mind him, Uncle Joe.  We all know the earth ain't flat."  and then out of the same mouth "same as we all know Ike was a commie, just like we learned in Automatic Transmission Class".  Uncle Joe replied "Looks like the John Birch Society is alive and well in Tuba City!" to which the kid says "How'd you know?"

Fuck fuck fuck. Joe thought to himself...and I have to take these guys camping.  "Okay guys, let's get showered and then it's back to class."

507. A return to the attic

Keeping interns busy this time of year can be a challenge - the attic is always a safe choice on a list of weekend tasks.  One never knows what might be found, and the untold stories each picture might hold.

479. The Ten Commandments Club

 

There have always been secret groups, societies, meetings and affiliations of men. The origin of Loveless Lodge was rooted on the principle that a location should exist for a clientele which sought a place of guaranteed near-anonymity and discretion, as envisioned and fulfilled by founders Edgar Loveless and Sinjin Birdwhistle. At Loveless Motel, a certain group of Mauve Tavern regulars also count themselves as members of The Ten Commandments Club.

Not advertised among the Tavern's general clientele, its associates do not generally congregate there as one might at a clubhouse, but generally clandestinely book a tin can in Aluminum City now that it is up and running but in prior years took a suite in town for the club's specific purposes, even while maintaining simultaneous bookings at Loveless Motel, in order to maintain the discreet nature of the club's business. Membership is generally held by The Mauve's more well-heeled professional clientele - young men are a rarity within its fellowship, given the life experiences necessary to meet its rules, which are more probably found in a well-seasoned gentlemen. Long conversations initiated by a member with an interesting looking prospect might start at a barstool in the tavern. Then with a predetermined signal given by one member to another nearby, indicating certain conditions have been met, a move to a more private table would occur, and the two would be joined by the accomplice. 

This method has been perfected over the years, and is adhered to by those participating in acquiring new members. A prospect has no way of knowing he is being interviewed or about to be hooked. By necessity, things will generally progress to a more horizontal approach elsewhere. It is quite amazing when one thinks about it, that any current prospect will come from the pool of select gentlemen who have already been subjected to the elimination round faced by all Mauve Tavern customers, who were able to successfully spell "Ferragamo."

It's also true that, not by happenstance, each member is devastatingly good looking,(however subjective a judgement that might be) practically on the level of popular matinee idols. In fact, there have been two members who attained that level of fame, flirtatiously inviting personal upheaval; a fellow member not in that specific category of fame had even said in conversation while accompanying his idol to one of his premieres, while they were seated together in the dark, watching the actor's flickering performance as he dashed across the screen in an open shirt, the camera and lighting catching the beading sweat on his hirsute chest in his latest pirate epic, "My, but can you even imagine losing all of that?" The answer was a curt "That kind of talk can get a man killed" which earned a sniggering retort of "Maybe so, but you know it wouldn't count."

It's numbers, by rule, are only increased by one annually , though some years no worthy postulant is found. There are those reunions during which several of its members convene at Loveless Motel though the norm is that a smaller number might be in attendance for an initiation. Group members must have broken each of the Ten Commandments. Members meet annually to initiate an inductee, by witnessing the last sin remaining on the man's list, in progress, the group then celebrating his accomplishment by indulging in acts of physical intimacy, generally recorded on film. This year, the candidate's remaining sin is theft. Coincidentally, no opportunity has arisen to witness a violation of the 6th commandment, a condition which has therefore been verifiably fulfilled by all club members, though in its meetings, the subject of the possibility of such an event has been debated, and not ruled out.

472. "Caught!", continued...Gentlemen's Agreement

Game show host Garry Moore leans toward the man at his desk, his hand cupped over his ear, and says in the direction of the TV camera, "Dr. Long, what is your secret?"  Just as he does so, the black and white image starts to tumble, and Nic, Loveless Motel's senior manager, gets up off the couch in his private quarters to adjust the vertical hold.  "What a coincidence, gentlemen - I wonder if that Dr. Long is a jockstrap thief too?" Giving up, he turns the set off.  "I guess we'll never know.  So what do you think about all this, John?"

"So I'm a klepto!  But I'm also a good doctor. - just ask Harry!" Harry nods in assent and says the doc has a way with using a rectal thermometer, and prescribing aspirin for just about everything including headaches, the runs, and mood swings.  "I don't know whether the aspirin works 100 percent of the time, but he sure sells a shitload of pills in that little tin can dispensary" say Harry.

"So here's what I propose. We tell no-one about this", Nic says.  "I know a guy who can sell this mail order - once a month, Dr. Longjohn, you box up whatever you're finished sniffing and send it to my pal - he get's his cut, you get yours, and I get 50 percent of what he sends you. You stay employed and out of jail, and we continue to have our guests sign a waiver saying we're not responsible for lost articles, and direct them to Packaged Goods! to buy new jockstraps with a  10 percent off coupon. Everybody wins.  That is, except you, Harry.  This thing has fallen into your lap, so it's not like you solved some big shit.  As far as everybody knows, this is a cold case, and you still need to prove yourself. Now lets play that game of poker.  Get Psycho Randy in here...."

471. Dear Diary: Caught!

In a stunning development overnight, House Detective Harry Biggerstaff writes in his private journal that he has apprehended the jockstrap thief who has been plaguing The Bunkhouse for the past month,  He recounts that he had decided to award himself some personal R and R at the Tubs on what he thought would be a slow night, which since assuming his position as Loveless Motel's hotel dick has been one of the perks he most enjoyed.  Most of all, the ritual of slowly removing his clothes for any onlookers in the locker room, stowing his duds neatly away and producing from his old ditty bag, the container he was never without on a night he knew he would not be home, a toothbrush and his old worn jockstrap into which he changed, barely containing its contents;  to walk around in it was a performance he relished, knowing it was like bait to anyone present, particularly to those shy voyeurs he could later approach. "I see you enjoyed watching me in the locker room" was an opening that took most men by surprise, but paid off in results just the same. 

 And so this quiet evening was no exception.  Though in the dark he couldn't quite see his stalker's features, he sensed someone was watching, and proceeded with his show.  His next step as always was to walk through the hallway of private enclosures to see if any doors were open, to view any men pleasuring themselves or others, and in the absence of any obvious opportunities, head back to the locker area, slowly remove his jock, place it on a hook, stretching as he did so, for the added enjoyment of anyone watching, with his arms above his head and back arched so that his still-flaccid cock dangled momentarily before it began to come to life, and then he would turn to step into the nearby shower. This night, in the quiet semi-dark he could hear the squeak of another man's bare feet behind him as the hot water cascaded down his chest, his back to the hook on the wall, the water finding its way down his ass to the floor, making a splat sound as he soaped up. 

He's then startled as there's a deep intake of another man's breath with a snort sound, and whipping round, nearly loosing his balance on the wet tile, he sees a naked man with a jockstrap over his head, holding the crotch cup fabric to his nose with one hand , stroking his fist-wrapped meat with his other, while exhibiting the wide open eyes of one who's been caught red-handed.

"It's YOU!" Blurting and dumbfounded, Harry stands there soaked and dripping as the man grins back, begins to chuckle out loud, and between chortles and guffaws, Dr. John Long manages to gush out "I confess!"  To which Harry then says, barely containing his own upwelling laughter "I see you enjoyed watching me in the locker room!"

TO BE CONTINUED....

463. The Case of the Purloined Pouches - jockstrap thief remains elusive

Reports are surfacing in the gossip mills across the Loveless Motel empire, amidst a rash of new missing jockstraps. Bunkhouse men just barely miss the guy in the act - a shadowy figure whose actions in silhouette suggest a heist in progress - a dick imprint and a fingered signature on the window of the steam room of The Tubs, a cryptic note left on a bench in the lockerroom there.....

Look behind you!

457. Jockstrap Thief Cold Case?

 

Seen here relaxing in his Aluminum City quarters at Loveless Motel, Harry Biggerstaff takes solace amidst his antique porcelain collection and vents his frustration to us. "I feel like I'm in a very loose hole up to my nuts, and no way am I gonna get what I want", says he, "about this damned jock strap theft - where is the guy? I'm supposed to be this magical new Hotel Dick, and I'm coming  up with bupkis! People don't steal jocks and sell them on the same property and then just walk away!  Who is this guy?!"  He's done many interviews; poked his business where some might say it didn't belong, and prodded what he thought were all the right spots, and just before he thought he might just hit it and be done, he had to pull out and try another lead. He'd gone cold.

His new friend, Luke Atma Peterson, even assisted, and equally frustrated to a point of going down one bottomless hole after another, suggested Harry just lay lay off for a while and go have some fun while getting to know the Loveless property - so that's what he's doing.  Anticipating Spring, we're finding him in the great outdoors, enjoying nature, seeking harmony with woodland creatures. Even so, he says he can still smell a ripe jock at 10 paces and he will get his man.

452. Pigskin Bowl - Loveless Style

 Loveless Motel's Intramural Pigskin Bowl is just about to kick off for an afternoon of tight ends and piling on. The cheerleaders are standing by to welcome our men as they come out onto the field from the locker room. Eager lodgers are casting their eyes, ready to marvel at the equipment each man on the team brings to the contest. Win or lose, the victory party for either side is sure to see more scores than the game.