549. Callum Z. Blabber finally (and reluctantly) comes up for air

After what has seemed like a second or two, Loveless Motel's communications and publicity maven, Callum Z. Blabber, has come out of a coma. Early in the summer, he had taken a dive head-first off the platform at Lake Loveless, like he had done dozens of times before, and hit his head on an object that was unexpectedly there. Subsequently, a recovery team went down and found the recently missing and obviously scuttled SS Flow, the houseboat built by the clever lesbians at Yodeling Canyon Campground.

Witnesses were able to immediately contact the dispensary on the property, which quickly called an ambulance from town. Callum spent the entire summer comatose, awakened only when a German specialist was called in to try a novel technique involving a bubble wand and pneumatic pressure to the most unexpected place. Successful and likened to raising Atlantis from the sea, Callum perked right up,  finally entering a recuperative stage that has lasted through the fall up until this point. Welcome back, Callum!

Callum has certainly seen better days - an expert water sportsman, his svelte form was often seen emerging from the lake, glistening in the sun, water droplets sparkling like jewels dangling from his hirsute chest. Admirers frequently were seen chatting him up on the beach, asking if they could hold is harpoon, hoping for a photo op. Callum was famous for carrying a spear fishing gun, and equally well known for never catching a thing -  he was blind as a bat underwater but reaped great benefits and caught more interesting prey out of it.

General Manager Nic says it will be great to see Callum gracing the beach and pool when the weather finally warms up, but in the meantime he is welcome to use the facilities on the house at The Tubs, located in the basement of The Bunkhouse. A little steamy adventure will do him good.

543.Yoga your way, I'll go mind over matter

Yoga on the beach is once again being offered at Lake Loveless at Loveless Motel, with plenty of balmy days in store before the monsoon season sets in.  Join our agile instructor, Stretch N. Spreadam, as he twists you into positions you never thought p̶i̶s̶s̶a̶b̶l̶e̶  possible.  Classes are free when you sign a simple form holding Loveless Motel and its employees and guests harmless in the event we can't undo you.

Inclement days are bound to happen, and when they do, you'll find Stretch hanging out in available locations around property - just ask at the front desk.  Ultimately, yoga will teach you to mind only what matters, and disregard pretty much everything else, including the developing crowds around your exhibitionism, or your willful disregard for those you might place at risk when you try to stretch an amateur beyond his capabilities in order to make you feel fabulous about yourself, Mr. Stretch N. Spreadam...

516. Pragmatism

 

Since the closure of the Laundry Room guests have expressed concern that they have been taken to the cleaners on two counts.  The price of having laundry taken into town for dry-cleaning is exorbitant, and, they claim, the price of second hand clothing at Hard Tack General Store is being artificially jacked up to milk stranded vacationers out of money they would otherwise spend in the shops, bars and restaurants at Loveless Motel. 

In an effort to mitigate the situation, instead of being released from the Hoosegow into the custody of Hardtack Manager and Work Release coordinator Will U. Bonus, rule breakers will now do laundry duty in the abandoned early 20th century laundry building on the shores of Lake Loveless, where they will be supervised by interns, none of whom has been trained in the proper care of sequins, lame' or other disco apparel in general. This scheme was the brainchild of Uncle Joe, who has assured Nic the Senior Manager that guests will be asked to sign specific laundry-related waivers, and none of the interns will be used who were involved with the recent soft opening of Loveless Campground, except for being hung out to dry. 

 The entire enterprise will be short-lived anyway, as the fate of the Laundry Room and the 8 Ball Bar has been decided by the Love-Whistle Inc. Board of Directors. As of next week, crews will begin demolition of the wall separating the two spaces.  Combined, the new space will offer beer, billiards and a coin op laundry, and be rechristened "The Dirty Pool Bar"

468. Lake Loveless Polar Bear Club

Traditionally the first snow after Groundhog Day at Loveless Motel, the Polar Bear Club meets for its annual celebration of freezing your ass off in Lake Loveless, because the pursuit of non-stop indiscriminate and anonymous sex just isn't enough for some vacationers at our discreet little paradise. Central to the yearly observance is "Pops" Vielengelt, its original organizer and an Oshkosh, Wisconsin delicatessen owner who remembers the days when Edgar Loveless and Sinjin Birdwhistle entertained at Loveless Lodge. Never without the company of a youthful companion, this year he's treating us to the visage of his twin "nephews" who'll escort him into the frigid lake waters. He says their names are Dan and Don, and whenever he forgets their names, he only needs to sing the bell sounds of Frère Jacques in French ("din, dan, don") to keep himself out of trouble, which also serves as a reminder to him that they are uncut, whenever that happens to come up in conversation.

It's also traditional for Dr. John Long's phone to start ringing off the hook for the next several days as the foolishness of what our "Polar Bears" have done sinks into the heads of some of our more delicate little Pogies, Uranians, Margo Polos and Beach Bitches, necessitating a virtual gangbang of rectal thermometer use and pill-popping in the Doc's office. As if an all out free-for-all Bacchanalian romp after the antediluvian dip would make it all better..

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285. Those Crazy Guys!

 If tight, fresh and low hangers are your thing, feast your eyes.  Summer is time for our Tanline and Tush contest at the lake at Loveless Motel.  The winner gets a lickin'.

165. Man overboard!

Early risers at Loveless Motel can witness lifeguard training this morning and tomorrow morning at the beach at Lake Loveless. In this example of last month's training exercise, the lifeguard pictured took so much time putting on his flippers that the fully clothed "guest" who had fallen out of a canoe drowned.  We commend the lifeguard, however, on being able to keep is cheaters on during the entire ordeal.