526. New, New, New! Poolside Mats for the Summer / Menu Items!

Responding to an advertisement he saw recently in a resort trade publication, Taylor from Dallas, the Loveless Motel Junior Manager, ordered a pallet of 20 boxes  of 30 lb. Institutional Size Cheez-it crackers in order to get 20 free inflatable pool mats in the iconic shape of the savory crackers, complete with the center hole, and forgot to tell anyone about it. A few guests have already had the pleasure of putting the mats to use on the deck, and report that they do the trick and can be wiped down with a damp sponge if need be.

Challenged with what to do with 600 pounds of orange crackers, Birdwhistle's Tearoom Head Chef Biff Wellington told Nic, the Senior Manager, "The summer months will be prime time to move the "dainty" tidbits,"  When he heard of his wafer windfall he sent Nic an interoffice menu:  "I've taken the liberty of creating some sample menu items on a list that should make good use of the product. This of course, is just a start"

525. Sheriff Buck N. McBuff is no fool

These wholesome looking brother-fuckers are up to no good.  New to Loveless Motel, they'd seen flyers for Nutbush Campground and after calling to book ("Welcome to Loveless Motel - what are you wearing?")  they arrived on opening day with backpacks and are still exploring  and roughing it.  They'd heard that Loveless even has a detention center called The Hoosegow which actually houses rule-breakers and miscreants who get on the wrong side of the rules or otherwise annoy the on-site "sheriff". Tired of the great outdoors, out of money and not ready to go home, they're looking for a way to stay on management's dime. Further inquiries have led them to a fellow camper who produced a set of pictures he happened to be carrying with him, and shared reminiscences of his brief incarceration which happened as a result of  turning down a blowjob from an incognito Sheriff Buck N. McBuff, proprietor of said Hoosegow, because nobody, but nobody, says no to the Buckster. It rapidly got him a ticket to the clink, free food, drink and lodging!

 Needless to say the set of pictures have given the men ideas and with the aid of the ironmonger over at the Stables, they have constructed a set of iron bars, and are headed in the direction of the Hoosegow, carrying the 350 pound creation. gathering a following and receiving encouragement as they move back in the direction of civilization.  Their plan is to confront Sheriff Buck, and loudly proclaim outside the window for all to hear, that they wouldn't let Buck give them blow jobs if he were the last man on earth, and then dare him to incarcerate them. Surely that'll get them 5 berths in a cell!

What they don't know is that McBuff is no fool. The Hoosegow is full up and he doesn't have the space to keep these sunbaked yokels. He'll take that challenge, right in front of the Bunkhouse and the crazy campers will get their own set of photos of Buck reveling in an impromptu jizz-guzzling party, servicing each of them in turn, spurred on by a large and growing audience, and be sent back to Podunk with a free set of pictures, their 'nads drained and with smiles on their faces. Snap Wadmacher, ace photographer from Shutterbug Camera Shop, located off the lobby at Loveless Motel, can be on the scene in about two minutes. Don't let it ever be said that Sheriff Buck N. McBuff didn't get his men, one way or the other.

524. Military Balls and Tuba City

 

Nic the Senior Manager of Loveless Motel called a leadership meeting this week to talk about drumming up business in its entertainment category, since lately Footlight Fairies Cabaret has suffered poor attendance due to some issues remaining from the Cat Show debacle. It seems half the drag queens have allergies and the dander remaining especially from the long haired pussies has caused half the chorus and one headliner to be down for the count.  

Bobbie Frapples, the show's lead, bravely attempted to carry a show on her own recently, but reactively coughed up so much mucous during her first number that she ruined the sequin gown she was wearing; the stage had to be squeegeed, and then dusted with a non-slip agent (a canister of Comet ) for the show to continue, causing customers to complain that everything, including cocktails, tasted or smelled like bleach. 

Not to be deterred, Nic is determined to overcome the slump, and out of their conversations, leadership has come up with an event, and is pondering a Military Ball of sorts. Junior Manager Taylor from Dallas said it best, coughing, grinning and clutching his package, barely contained in his pleated khaki pants, rhetorically asking "Who doesn't like uniform balls?" A swelling contingent of lads from nearby Camp Betsy Ross is sure to be interested, Nic believes, and if timed well, the pageant could coincide with the annual gush of seamen shooting to arrive during Fleet Week. Nic has given the publicity team, under the direction of Callum Z Blabber, the green light to develop advertising for the event.

Also on the meeting agenda was an update on the status of the class of interns from Tuba City, Arizona - the group who, though certainly checking the box of "hot" by physical measures, turned out to be pretty lukewarm in by all others,  as evidenced by their lack of survival skills at Nutbush Campground.  Jack Leyendecker, the talent and intern recruiter shouldered the blame, but Nic made light of the situation and complimented him on his overall performance, citing fate and anomaly as the true culprits.  The decision had come down to terminating eight intern contracts, and placing them all into the hands of Will U. Bonus as conscriptees until their debt is paid, working off the expense of their training. Uncle Joe pointed out that because of their crazy conspiracy-laden ideas, it would be best to isolate them from guests and the rest of the staff, making sure they are all housed in one dorm at the bunkhouse, or in a trailer  (Nic raised his eyebrows at the Aluminum City suggestion, referencing further loss of revenue if they were to take out of inventory a money maker like a trailer). 

They then settled on a cabin at the campground, and KP duty at the chuck wagon there to keep them occupied.  The final solution for the clusterfuck of vapid young Arizona John Birchers will be to deliver them all sooner than later  for basic training to the Army Recruiter in town, who  along with half of the local draft board, happens to be a regular at the Tubs located in the Bunkhouse at Loveless Motel, and will be a key contact for drumming up interest at Camp Betsy Ross for the upcoming Military Ball.  

523. Yesteryear's Queers' Word of the day #59 -Bead Reading

Bead-Reading

To tell someone off,

preferably

with and audience

-1960s-

"Honey, I'd read your beads, but I know absolutely nothing about costume jewelry"

Ramon Navarro

King George V as Prince of Wales

Prince Albert Victor, Duke of Clarence

Harvey Keitel, The Duellists, 1977

Winston Churchill at 21

Emperor Franz Josef of Austria and King of Hungary colorized by Mario Unger

Czar Nicholas II of Russia, first cousin of George V, colorized by Mario Unger

522. Rock Blockhead's Construction crew demolishes Laundry Room wall

 

Rock Blockhead, Construction Projects Manager of Loveless Motel, after his successful leadership of the buildout of Nutbush Campground, takes a last opportunity to conduct the pre-demolition meeting of the wall between the 8 Ball Bar and the Laundry Room, to prepare the combined space of the Dirty Pool Bar, which will include the pool table, bar and laundry machines. Rock says he spent many happy evenings shooting on this very table. Known for his casual style, his crews are eager work under him once again.

"You'll have to remove all this shelving in the laundry room as well," Rock instructs the crew, pointing to the floor, "and rip up this old tile afterwards.  But be careful that you don't damage any of the laundry machines.  We'll be moving those to storage over at the Motor Pool until we build out the new space, so we can knock out this wall"

Rock works just as hard as any man on the crew - he likes to set a good example. A day's hard work has its rewards - the crew likes to yank his chain, and they frequently pull practical jokes on him, but he's a pretty good sport, as long as the work gets done on time. He's known for loyalty to his crew, and he's no stranger to an occasional pull and yank with a favorite after the shift. He says there's plenty of him to go around, and everybody eventually gets time with the boss. He likes to be efficient, so no hardhat is ever surprised when the boss starts blurting a crewman's annual review at the same time he's getting his hole spackled with Rock's big trowel.

521. Making memories at Nutbush Campground

Opening weekend seems to have gone off without a hitch at Nutbush Campground at Loveless Motel.  Many campers took the time to explore the trails, and Snap Wadmacher of Shutter Bug Camera Shop tagged along and got some great shots of our nature lovers' activities.  Paying customers can expect to have their photos arrive in plain brown mailers soon, (with a return address of "Fishing Camp") to the addresses provided to the check-in desk upon registration.  This, of course, may present a challenge for a few men, who upon receiving the news that their picture packs may fall into the hands of mothers or wives, can rest assured that if they choose instead to cancel their orders that their pictures will be sold in our shops to paying customers in order to recoup the cost of goods and Snap's time, and be part of the annual Big Book of Deadbeats sold during the holiday season here in the shops at Loveless Motel and by mail order via advertisements found in smutty magazines in arcades and adult book shops across the land.