442. Narcissus Blatz

A frequent guest in Room 222, the "Beer Heir" Narcissus Blatz stays with us whenever daddy threatens to take him out of the will. We can't quite say that "Narc", as he is known to his Loveless Motel chums, isn't the one who needles dear old dad by having his picture taken by good old "Snap" Wadmacher from Shutter Bug Camera Shop, because he is.  He bundles up a packet of pictures to send back to Milwaukee whenever he stays with us directly, to Daddy Blatz at his brewery office, knowing all his mail is previewed by the supervisor of the mail room.  An officious fussbudget named Milburne Milquetoast, the glorified stamp-licker is known to collect porcelain teacups issued for the coronations of British Monarchs.  Purportedly, according to Narc, Milburne's favorite photos are ones in which Blatz the younger compares his dick size to a bottle, can or rolling pin - anything that's handy.  Dad is jealous - mainly because Narc is fond of Dad's brother, his uncle, who like our picture-boy here is equally well hung and thick, and on more than speaking terms with his nephew. So, it would appear, is Milburne, who spends a lot of time running off to "have a cup of tea" with said uncle.

441. Jockstrap thief (nearly) apprehended!

Aluminum City residents and guests were recently all aflutter over the news that a ruckus was going on in one of the trailers on Lover's Lane. Alarming phrases like "I caught you, you fucking jockstrap thief" and "Lick my boots, you little fudgepacker!" were plainly heard just outside the door by the pearl-clutching crowd. One of the throng asserted that surely the elusive local jockstrap thief had finally been apprehended.   As it turns out, Officer Dick had just paid a courtesy call on a seasonal lodger who called the off-duty constable to say his cat was missing and needed some help finding his pussy. Officer Dick is a community minded fellow eager to assist anyone needing help, especially men with wayward pussies, and is happy to oblige, especially when asked nicely, and especially if he can turn a man fretting over his pussy into a grateful little bootlicker, if only as a bit of role-play.  Alas, the jockstrap thief is still on the loose, but the good news is that Officer Dick found the fellow's pussy very nearby and the grateful bootlicker, the boots, and the paneling in the trailer on Lover's Lane in Aluminum City at Loveless Motel are all just fine too.

 

440. Yesteryear's Queers' Word of the Day #49 - Georgina of the Jungle

Georgina of the Jungle

A gay man with a serious

addiction to overdecorating 

with houseplants

-1970s-

"You can hardly move for falling over an aspidistra in that closet of an apartment. Georgina of the Jungle really needs to get a grip. I think I'll stop over with a housewarming present - a mealybug-infested coleus ought to do the trick"

439. Lineman for the County

The front desk reports that it has received several calls this week from guests complaining that they are hearing mysterious clicks on their line whenever they are making in-house calls to other rooms. This phenomenon is preceded by what sounds like a third party breathing heavily, mixed with the sounds of intermittent chirping birds.  Loveless Motel management apologizes for any concerns this may cause, and is doing its best to follow up, and reminds guests that it is working toward filling the position of House Detective.

In unrelated news, Nutbush Campground is fast becoming a reality, with great strides being made toward its completion, including erecting telephone lines to its public spaces, with testing ongoing to ensure the lines are tied in with the rest of the Loveless property, including the Motel, Aluminum City, The Bunkhouse and Loveless Truck Stop.

438. Invitation to the Dance

Even in the dead of winter, the beat goes on and it's raining men at Smarty Pants Disco at Loveless Motel, located off the lobby.  If you need a break, slip through the swinging doors in back of the dance floor and into the lush life that is The Mauve Tavern.  

Of course, if your look isn't up to par in the tavern, you'll be told to get the fuck out.  These bitches are serious!

437. Housekeeping slightly behind - check-ins delayed

We regret to inform those of you who've been waiting to check in by our promised 3 PM time, that due to a shortage of staff in housekeeping, as well as training issues, rooms will be assigned upon arrival but actual occupancy of rooms will be delayed until 7 PM today.  Existing staff  is working feverishly to clear the rooms, but the lack of domestic talent is made obvious by this documentary photo, indicating that when ironing linens, it does help to put the plug into a wall outlet.  Inconvenienced guests will receive a 10 percent discount on one meal in any of our restaurants.

436. Hotel Dick Applications Pouring in!

Since our recent request for applications to fill an urgent need for a house detective, several interesting candidates have sent in resumes, and a recent trip up into the attic resulted in finding another shoebox full of old pictures including some of our founders, Edgar Loveless and Sinjin Birdwhistle, apparently dressed up for a party or fancy dress affair as Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson. Our search is ongoing, but we share with you some of the more interesting photos we've received, including a few which have taken the moniker "Dick" quite literally, as well as some of those who've said they were less interested in the main job, but were interested in working "under the dick", which we take to mean as an intern. Or not.

 

435. Hotel Dick Wanted - Applications sought

Recent events have forced the management team to seek the services of an investigative professional. Crime is on the rise at Loveless Motel, as evidenced by this candid shot of a perpetrator fleeing the scene, thought to be a possible jockstrap thief, caught on celluloid by ace Shutter Bug Camera Shop photographer "Snap" Wadmacher, who just happened to be in the right place at the right time (so he says).

Therefore, effective immediately we announce we are taking applications to fill the position of a Hotel Dick, to receive a generous compensation package with dental benefits, and a Bank of America Christmas Club account, as well as private living quarters at Aluminum City (if so desired).  The successful applicant who declines the living quarters will not be further compensated to offset the cost of seeking accommodations elsewhere.  With the sudden uptick of petty crimes being committed against the business and guests, time is of the essence in filling the position. In-person interviews will be conducted after a review of mailed applications.  Good luck to all the aspiring Dicks out there!

434. Loveless Truck Stop Stalker

Meet Gary - a townie who's been hanging out lately in the parking lot at Loveless Truck Stop. Not that the truckers are complaining - not by a long shot. Several long-haulers have told us Gary knows the score, and is happy to make a personal delivery to your cab. He tells us he's just doing good works, offering a helping hand whenever he can. Truckers say he makes every inch of a good buddy's slide electric because his pants aren't the only thing that's tight.

433. Yesteryear's Queers' Word of the Day #48 - Fifi Bag

Fifi Bag

A slit sponge

lubricated with vaseline,

placed inside a baggie,

for fucking, in an emergency 

(as in a prolonged dry spell)

-1960s-

"I'm headed out of town into strange territory, and I hope I remember to take my Fifi bag,

just in case I strike out at Loveless Motel this weekend"

Named in honor of Fifi , the name of every French whore

432. Front Desk to the rescue - the morning after

Busy night last night? Dick on your breath the morning after and you can't find your toothbrush? Call the front desk, young man, and we'll deliver, free of charge on most items such as toothbrushes, and only a slight cost to headache powders and other medicinal over the counter items like Ex Lax, or Pepto Bismol, or douche bags.

 

431. Shutter Bug Camera Shop Winter Heating Repairs

Shutter Bug Camera Shop at Loveless Motel, located off the lobby, is welcoming an influx of customers using its photo suites this winter, and reminds clients to come dressed for the weather while its heating unit is being repaired. We can still catch those intimate moments with friends, even with their socks and hats on. Call and reserve a photo suite today!

430. Certified Hustler to the rescue in room 222

What's a couple to do on a night when it's not clicking? The office received a call at 11PM 2 nights ago and the man in 222 said he and his boyfriend were looking for someone tall, dark and well hung. Management swung into action and contacted one of our well qualified and approved Certified Hustlers who rooms with several others over at Aluminum City, and voila, problem solved. What good is sitting alone in your room? Loveless Motel always has a solution. Our Hustler remarked to management the next day that the new paneling in the room looked stunning.

429. Big Bones found during Nutbush Campground excavation

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428. Loveless Motel builds Nutbush Campground

In the spirit of continually offering new experiences for our guests, and in keeping with our roots, going back to the hunting lodge first built by founders Edgar Loveless and Sinjin Birdwhistle, Loveless Motel announces commencement of the construction of Nutbush Campground at Loveless Motel.  Crews are hard at work, and despite that perpetual priapic state, they are still getting a lot done, and with our temperate winter weather, we project an opening date of early spring.  Located in the rustic area just beyond the back of Aluminum City, and roughly adjacent to the area of The Stables and the Silver Bullet Bar, the project will complete the vision of fun in the outdoors, including cabins, tent sites, and plenty of nature trails, as well as a camp store, communal showers and latrines.